Drawing near

So. Working on D&C 88 today. It's a tough read - my natural tendency is to read the words but not gather the message. As always, I have to read it a few times over to get it, and that always keeps surprising me.

In verse 63 it begins with stuff that's meaningful to me. "Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me, ask, and ye shall receive;  knock and it shall be opened unto you. 64 Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name it shall be given unto you, that is expedient for you; 65 And if ye ask for anything that is not expedient for you, it shall turn unto your condemnation".

Here's the Lord telling us that it's all on us. If we look for him, he'll be there. It's not like a friendship where both parties have to agree to it - the Lord says it's just a one way thing - if I look, I'll find. He's already in.

Then I find the word diligently interesting. I think there are people who would say they are seeking the Lord - we all could say that. I think there are meth heads who would say they are seeking the Lord. From my point of view (and it's just that) there are whole religion sets that set their members up to speak nice words about seeking the lord, and then they think that's enough. But the seeking doesn't happen any more than about 15 cents worth. Then they go back to forgetting until the time for words occurs again.

But the word diligently shows up here. You can't do diligent for 15 cents. Diligent is more like a thousand dollars. Diligent is a personal mission - a primary focus. A center of your soul kind of thing. As always, the Lord has spoken precisely. The precise set of words is uttered and recorded - not much room for confusion here. He's good at that.

Then there's the bit about "And if ye ask for anything that is not expedient for you, it shall turn unto your condemnation". I have to consider that. The first thing to come to mind is me asking for a maserati. I'm thinking "in what way(s) does that condemn me?

I guess first of all, for lack of a better phrase, we're wasting the Lord's time. If in a prayer we're asking for meaningless stuff, and if it were me in the answerer's shoes, I'd be like "I have all these other important requests: peace after an accident, strength to deal with an aunt with cancer, abuse, hunger, loneliness and you want a maserati?"

It may be more than that. If I'm focused on that maserati, or the boat, or the money to buy that swingset that's cooler than the neighbor's, I'm not focused on love. I'm not focused on building a better relationship with my wife or children. I'm not focused on the specific needs they have. I'm content with the grudges I'm holding - they're my comfortable poison. Don't mess with those - give me the swing set. It's all I want.

Yes it is - that is all we want sometimes. And it's the reason why we're not close to our Heavenly Father. I'm speaking from experience here.

As a matter of personal career experience, I remember being laid off and praying my guts out that I could find a job. But before and after that experience, looking back I remember never praying nearly that hard that I could actually use my gifts, time and talents to bring huge value to that employer. I didn't want the work - just the paycheck - and that factor showed up in my employability in my life. I think the same applies with the Lord.

"Draw near to me and I will draw near to you"