The judgment of the world

Reading in Nephi 11 and 12 today. There are some gems in there. For example in verse 7 of chapter 12, it refers to being ordained of God, and chosen. There's some wisdom in there that I could explore. For example there is the concept of many being called, but few are chosen. There's a difference there. And if the words were reversed, it would seem more chronological - first chosen, then ordained. Joe is chosen to be the spiritual janitor, then ordained to it. That makes sense. But if he's ordained to that, then he's chosen? There's something to that that should be explored. I'm not going there today.

Then there's another one in verse 9. Nephi refers to the twelve apostles of the Lamb. These are the biblical 12 apostles. In the same verse he refers to the 12 that serve the American continent. He doesn't call them apostles, he calls them ministers. The language remains consistent and precise as always. When the 12 in America are referred to, they are the ministers, but their role for Nephi's people is the same as the 12 apostles in Jerusalem: to be a judge for their people. It makes me suspect that the Lord is underlining the fact that there are only 12 apostles on the earth. No matter that they can't communicate with each other or even know of other's existence, there's 12 apostles. This also suggests that the Lord may have also visited - who knows - China, Africa, Australia, etc and called 12 ministers there. Maybe even iceland. I don't have those answers - but those leaders were ministers.

What struck me the most today though was in chapter 11. Here is the Lord, the Creator of heaven, earth, everything on it, and man himself. He's so far above us we can only imagine. Yet verse 32 talks about how the Lord was judged by man. First, that struck me as ironic on a galactic scale. Our judge being judged by us; by man. Of course we'd be terrible judges, but like the infomercial - "but wait, we'll double your offer". Not only were we dead wrong in judging our creator, but we killed him. That was our judgment as human beings - we found him, his works, his teachings, everything not only wrong but cause for His death.

Apparently we're not so good at judging.

So here's the question: if human beings can be so dead wrong in judging their God and creator, their miracle producer and their teacher, how can we expect to place any value on the judgment of others? If someone across the street disagrees with my principles, such as how many kids to have, how to spend my Sunday, or Monday, or Thursday for that matter. If he believes that my blog is stupid/wrong/whatever, how much time do I spend in listening to and modifying my actions based on an opinion? Sometimes it's not even an expressed opinion. We modify our actions based on our expectations produced in our minds from a perceived opinion that may or may not even be out there.

There are trolls. They must stay under the bridge, not be allowed to command it.

Looking at it from a few different points of view, I'm sure that Jesus must have exasperated the Jews. He taught something different and broke some of the perceived procedural rules. Did he not understand tradition? Why can't he get in line if he wants to lead?

From the point of view of the Jewish religious leaders: we have the rule book right here! You're taking our power away and messing with the system we've created. We're the religious leaders here, our church is it because we all agree that it is. If you're teaching something else, you're going down. Note that the word "truth" is not used in any of the above. It's not about truth, it's about preserving the status quo.

And from Jesus standpoint? He knew he would lose friends and supporters if he believed and did what he knew to be proper. He would be spit upon, tortured, hated and finally killed in the most brutal way they knew. All he had to do is lighten up on the truths he taught, get in line with the existing spiritual leaders and go through the Jewish religious system. Then they'd give him an avenue to teach the truth as they saw it. It can't be wrong - they were teaching the old testament, right?

Of course, doing so would obviate his calling, and be exactly what Satan had in mind for him. It would have been the fall of our God. He would have failed to redeem us, the plan of salvation would have been obliterated and we'd all be doomed. Other than that, it sounds great.

Just follow the existing traditions and do what you need to do within the rules set by your neighbors. Truth can be bent to the needs of the moment. Ride herd.

Or - follow God and live His truth. And when they ridicule and hate? They screwed up on judging someone else too.

The love of God and searching for gifts

So I recently reserved the url "giftsandguides.com" for this blog. It only seems appropriate considering that these are subjects that are close to me. I remain grateful for the gifts and guidance I have received. As I use them, I feel that I raise my own soul - or that my own soul is raised - far more than the lives of others that I can help bless.

I'm going to stray a bit from the subject and just mention my gratitude for the gifts in my life. For Julie. She is my center and core. I know that when I am good with her, I can reach out and try things - I can risk. I can dare and reach. I can go beyond what's comfortable, because she is at my center and she keeps me from tipping over when I reach too far. It's perhaps a strange analogy, but it's the best description I have for how I feel.

I'm grateful for powerful people around me. I've been looking for five powerful people because I understand that you become the five people that you hang around the most. These people are Julie, Makay and MaryAnn, Tony and Pele. The last two folks might be surprised to know that I include them in my five, but they have great traits that I admire and long to be around. M&M? They're just awesome people. They think I'm cool because I give. The reality is that, like I mentioned above, I love how I grow when I assist them. Then there's that other thing: I know that we all have to grow; it's our duty and responsibility. Most people grow through trial. Julie and I are the exception, and I'm so very grateful for that. I much prefer to grow through giving and I'm grateful for the opportunity to grow that way.

Then there's my children and grandkids. I love them. Especially the grandkids.

So here we are, today in 1 Nephi 10. I had to bounce a while before I found this chapter. Nephi started talking about gifts in verse 17 and that got my attention: how did Nephi get his gifts and what does that say about how we can do it?

"And it came to pass after I, Nephi, having heard all the words which he saw in a vision...I was desirous also that I might see, and hear, and know of these things, by the power of the Holy Ghost, which is the Gift of God unto all those who diligently seek him.."

So we have that magic word here: Gift. Nephi had the gift of knowing that what his father said was the word of God. He had the gift of the Holy Ghost, that open pipeline with heaven so that he could also know the word of God directly. He had the desire to know of his father's vision directly, and he was given the gift of seeing what his father had seen directly. Then he was given more.

He described the tree of life in a way that hadn't hit me before. I've read this verse probably a dozen times before in my life, but its significance hit me differently this time. Here is a beautiful tree, a white tree and it represents the love of God. It reminds me of a tree I saw during christmas a number of years ago. Who wouldn't want to live in the glowing love of God? How could anyone not want to just stay there and bask in the warmth of His love?

Apparently, many of us would prefer to avoid that. There is the large and spacious building where most prefer to live. The naysayers, those who choose less for themselves.

But then there is the iron rod - the word of God. I've known that forever too, but it's more clear now. The word of God gets us to that tree. Upon a moment's reflection, of course it does. God loves us, he wants us to be at that tree. He would simply tell us how to get there, and he does. His instructions are the word of God. Pretty brain dead simple when you think about it.

It also tells me that those who are not following his instructions, also known as the building inhabitants, cannot bask in his love. They may claim to, but either they don't know what his love is or perhaps they may be lying to themselves or others, or maybe there's a substitute they're looking at and thinking it's whatever. I don't know. I do know that I've felt a small part of God's love, and there's nothing else like it.

Nephi knew that to get this gift, he had to first hear all of his father's words, then listen to "the things that he spake by the power of the Holy Ghost", then be desirous to know more, to diligently seek him and be open to the gift that the Lord and the Holy Ghost wish to provide. I believe that's the pathway for all of us.

what in the world is summum bonum?

Stayed in Doctrine and Covenants 128 today. Man. Tough reading. It's like trying to decipher the modern day version of Isaiah. The level of technical language had to have been very difficult for the 1840's converts to have been able to grasp - these are not college grads in english and law I'm sure. I expect that they are english peasant converts - blacksmiths and the like - who were converted to the Lord. This had to have been hard reading for them.

But the reading wasn't just for them. It contains 1000 shades of depth, to be understood at different levels by the learned and unlearned, by the prepared and unprepared, through generations and centuries. Also I never cease to marvel at the different writing styles. My stuff pretty much sounds the same no matter when I wrote it. I think that's the case for most if not all writers. Joe Smith however, took a hugely different style when he wrote the D&C. It's like a legal old-timer wrote this stuff. And it's not that his writing style changed over the decades - he died a young man. All of his writing took place in a few years.

To me, the last remaining explanation is that he didn't write it - the Lord did. At least the Lord guided Joseph to write the words in the D&C. Mormon, Moroni, Nephi et al wrote the Book of Mormon. Personally, I have to admit I prefer their writing style. Thanks to Joseph to keeping their style intact as he translated.

The summum bonum thing: where did that come from? That must be latin, and something that nobody I know has ever heard of. How did Joseph get the education to start learning latin? I thought he got only a few grades of education. Anyway Joseph - in the future please refrain from using latin on me.

So the summum bonum (just google it) of the whole thing consists of obtaining the powers of the preisthood. Actually it says Holy Priesthood. Why it's capitalized? I'm sure there's meaning in there but it's beyond me right now. Anyway, for whom the keys are given (is that the priesthood or the keys within it? - once again I don't know) there is no difficulty in obtaining a knowledge of facts in relation to the salvation of the children of men...

No difficulty? That's also a very interesting phrase. That tells me that it's not earned. Not through great study, not perhaps even from medium study. So what I'm gathering, and I might be grasping a bit because I'm sure I don't get anywhere near the full depth of this, is that when a person puts themselves in a place where the Lord trusts you to have deeper knowledge, it just comes. Like all other gifts, you didn't earn it, you don't deserve it, you are not and never will be entitled to anything, it's a gift. It comes for free from God. This makes it a "no difficulty" proposition.

This is way over my head. This is what I can gather from it for now, based on where I am. I'm hoping it provides some benefit to you.

An ominous warning

It seems that the word ominous is the word of the day. I was with my group of ultimate frisbee friends yesterday - one of them asked me how old I was. 57 is an advanced age. He said that big 60 was right around the corner. I agreed - ominously close. There is no way that I could ever be that old. I refuse to acknowledge all birthdays - I'm 35 and sticking to it.

Then my scripture reading was a bit ominous today as well. I really wanted to stay in the book of Mormon - the reading is so much more entertaining. I feel like I got a 1 day reprieve - I've said this before, but the Doctrine and Covenants to me is like reading a law book. I'd rather read a novel - that's what the Book of Mormon is to me. So much easier.

I landed in Alma 38. These are the blessings Alma gives to his sons. All are on a mission to the people of Zoram, but one of them had his head turned. This happens to missionaries - they're at the age when hormones rage - and they're guys. That's a double whammy.

So Alma's efforts at serving the Zoramites fall very short because one of his sons is using this missionary effort as a personal vacation. This of course causes great harm to untold numbers of souls who could have been lifted, and makes the task of Alma and his other sons so much harder. I noticed that in talking to his sons, he didn't just yell at the failing son. He brought them all in and told them all where they were with the Lord. He talked. He got right to it, he didn't dance verbally, and wasn't afraid to deliver it straight. He didn't yell and scream, didn't throw chairs around. He just stated what was happening, and made it clear where he stood on the issue. This is something I can take away from Alma's blessings to his children.

By the way, it cocurs to me that whether you're giving your child a pat on the back or a kick on the hiney, it's still a blessing if done correctly. In all cases it can be a way to let them know where they are spiritually, and where they should go. That's a blessing. Direction provided with love is a blessing from God.

In verse 4, he congratulates his son Shiblon. "For I know that thou wast in bonds; yea, and I also know that thou was stoned for the word's sake; and thou didst bear all these things with patience..." and verse 5 "...as much as ye shall put your trust in God even so much ye shall be delivered out of your trials..."

Then a key phrase at the end. "...at the last day". So what I'm gathering is that we may be stoned for believing what we believe, or whatever this century's version of that may be, but the correct response is to bear with patience, trust in God, and know what we'll be delivered out of our trials. That sounds great. But I think there's a but. The Lord did mention that maybe our deliverance will happen at the last day. It might be sooner than that, or it might not. In the meantime, it is our role to accept whatever the condition may be at the moment and to follow the Lord.

Guess it's better that our reward is going to happen at the last day than sooner. If I had to choose between awesomeness after I die vs while I'm alive, I'd be crazy to choose now - eternal awesomeness is better than right now events.

Then I moved into the chapters before and after chapter 38. I started in 39, and it spoke to me. Verse 7 Alma tells his errant son: "... I would not dwell upon your crimes, to harrow up your soul, if it were not for your good". I think I touched on that above. Correction done correctly is a blessing to that child. This is a bit of a revelation to me.

Verse 6, "For behold, if ye deny the Holy Ghost when it once has had place in you, and ye know that ye deny it, behold, this is a sin which is unpardonable; yea, and whosoever murdereth against the light and knowledge of God, it is not easy for him to obtain forgiveness".

Dang. I thought earlier that denying the Holy Ghost was much harder to do than what I'm reading here. I might be wrong, but I'm gathering that if, say, I were to have a gift of guidance from the Holy Ghost (which I feel grateful to have), and I do what this kid did, which is to leave my mission for some neighboring hottie, I'm in unpardonable sin category. Not necessarily for what me and the neighborhood hottie do, but because I went against - denied - the gift that I received. I hold that gift very precious to me. It scares me more than a little that a poor decision like that could land me (if I understand this fully - which I of course do not) in unpardonable sin land. That is eternal condemnation. Living with the rats and snakes that used to be humanity. That's terrifying to the center.

Then back to chapter 37. "...that if ye transgress the commandments of God, behold, these things which are sacred shall be taken away from you by the power of God, and ye shall be delivered up unto Satan, that he may sift you as chaff before the wind. "

OK, I don't get it, but I get some of it. The gifts I have are to be protected. I protect them by not transgressing the commandments of God. I don't want to imagine the pain of having a gift like guidance from God, then having it be taken away and me be owned by Satan.

There are people around me who are awesome beyond description. Some of them are women, and those women are gorgeous. I love them for who they are. But today's lesson for me is that this love must always be categorized. To see them for the gift they are for humanity, to appreciate their talents and what they have made of themselves given the trials that they have passed through. It's clear that I have to be diligent at distinguishing between love and love. I think I've been fairly successful at doing that, but today's guidance is a warning. I'll absolutely keep it in mind.

And that's the gift I've received from the scriptures today. I like it better though when it doesn't feel so ominous.

wisdom and order in giving

Reading today in Mosiah 4 - the speech after The Speech. I always marvel about the precision and depth of the words. How the Lord is so clear.

This is a subject that is difficult for all of us, but I think especially to the LDS. There are homeless people around the temple grounds in Salt Lake City, but when the temple goers give to them, they proliferate. There are some examples I might give - "like flies to a carcass" is one, but it's probably not the right phrase. "Like rats in a sewer" is another, but again. It's not charitable, so I guess I won't go there. Maybe "like bees to a flower patch". Again, not enough bees, but you get the idea. For a writer, sometimes words fail me.

But that was always Salt Lake's problem - until recently. American Fork began being the subject of beggars a couple of years ago. It's where I go shopping. You get street beggars with their cardboard signs - whatever text they think will be most successful.

It's difficult because on the one hand the scriptures admonish us to give to those who are needy. On the other hand, the church has advised us to give to organizations, not people. You know those people are generally drug addicts - this has been shown repeatedly. On the one hand, some argue that charity doesn't care what they do with the money. On the other hand, you're not doing anyone any favors if you enable their life- and soul-destroying vice.

By the way, I did give to someone on the street the other day. She looked a bit ashamed to be there, and didn't have a meth face. I thought "this is a good bet on her actually needing the money", and gave her what I had in my wallet. I hope I helped her.

So here is Mosiah talking about this subject. Perhaps world's the number one authority, short of Jesus Christ, on service and giving. After giving his speech he continues "17...the man has brought upon himself this misery, therefore I will stay my hand...for his judgments are just". and 22 "And if ye judge the man who putteth up his petition to you for your substance that he perish not, and condemn him, how much more just will be your condemnation for withholding your substance, which doth not belong to you but to God".

Seems that we are called on to give without judgment. Score one for the side that says "just give to everybody". I can see a scene where druggies from every corner of the world not only line temple square with cardboard signs, but clog the streets. It's easy money in Salt Lake - just guilt the mormons and they give - it's easy money. Gotta say I'm pretty uncomfortable with that.

Then Mosiah says something that eased my mind and causes the church policy to make sense. Verse 27 "And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order." Then later in that verse "therefore, all things must be done in order".

What does order mean when giving to the poor? Obviously it doesn't mean that you give to the first guy first, then the second guy, etc. And wisdom is brought up. I don't know for certain, but I'm guessing that drugs weren't a problem in Mosiah's time. Whether they were or not, he called for wisdom and order. I think that random giving, or maybe I'll call it thoughtless giving (again, not the right word) is not giving with wisdom. To me it's a "make myself feel good" sort of enabling, and it makes the world just a bit worse for my giving because the meth head hands the money to a dealer, destroys himself a bit more, and the dealer now has control of your charity money. That's not good either.

So, wisdom and order. It seems to me that wisdom is giving to organizations that provide services for the homeless. Or just giving to organizations that do good. Julie right now is doing something for children in Madagascar - her efforts reduce the risk of the children being trafficked as slaves, they lift the capacity and lifestyle of the community. It's not the same as giving to the homeless, but these people in Madagascar might be considered to have a lesser yearly income than the homeless here. It's about giving to a place where giving yields something. That's what it means to me.

Fear

Mosiah Chapter 4 today, I took a little side route into the Doctrine and Covenants yesterday. It struck me as a weird sort of funny as I go back and forth - the Book of Mormon reads like a novel, where the D&C reads more like a law manual. Both are very precise in their wording - the Lord didn't relax with the Book of Mormon in the preciseness of the wording, but I have to say the BoM is so much easier to read for me.

And the irony is that whether you're the guy who believes it or the guy who says it's all fake, you still believe the same person/entity wrote both books. If you're a believer, God is the principle author of both. If you're not, Joe wrote em both. Man - he had a couple of very different writing styles.

So - speaking of precision and the meaning of a word, I have a couple of examples today. First off in verse 1, "...and behold they had fallen to the earth, for the fear of the Lord had come upon them".

Fear. An interesting word. It has always been interesting to me that the scriptural use of the word fear gets applied to the Lord. It's used throughout all the scriptures - every one of them - but I find the word fear interesting. My body knows that judgment day may be fearful or stressful, but another part of me goes "meet the Lord? Return to him? Live in His love? Stay there for an hour - or for centuries? Absolutely!"

I would prefer to say I don't fear the Lord. I love Him. I know that with him near I'll feel nothing but love. A part of me says that's like fearing your mom - someone who has loved you longer than you remember.

But I guess for many of us, there may be a reason for fear. The question is some very complicated equation about our acts and our words and our thoughts, and the atonement. I couldn't begin to try to explain such a thing, or pretend that I understand. I don't. I just understand that our works and justice and mercy all are factors in the equation. And one more thing - I understand that we'll agree with God's decision.

So - fear. To me, if I fear the Lord, to me that means I've got work to do. The more I get to know him, and the more I make of myself, the less fear I expect I'll have. I think if I'm ready, I'll look forward to that day of judgment with nothing but excitement and love. And gratitude.

Wrongs and rights

It's a continuation in Mosiah today. The first thing I noticed it that the verse following the one I wrote about last time also finishes that point nicely. It also applies to what I see today. It's talking about all of us, but most specifically those of us who would rather "live our own lives" than live in the light and love that God can provide.

Last verse of Mosiah 8: "Yea, they are as a wild flock which fleeth from the shepherd, and scattereth, and are driven, and are devoured by the beasts of the forest."

Why would someone flee from their own shepherd? Why would they choose against protection and choose to be eaten by wolves? Yet the vast majority of us are right there, looking for a hungry wolf to hang out with. It's both cool and politically correct to be seen as hanging comfortably with the wolves.

So I noticed that Mosiah 9 and 10 are written by Zeniff. This is interesting because I am not certain that he was a prophet. He was a man of God, and a leader of that group, but anyway he had a contribution to scripture. In any case, Mormon or Moroni chose to include his writings directly rather than summarize.

Here is a man who lives with his clan among the enemy. He understands their thoughts because he's right there living with them. He understands their mind set like nowhere else in the scriptures I've found. He says they were (Mosiah10:12)"...Believing that they were driven out of the land of Jersusalem because of the iniquities of their fathers, and that they were wronged in the wilderness...and that they were also wronged while crossing the sea; 13 and again, that they were wronged while in the land of their first inheritance.

It's easy for politicians to get people to be hateful when they can keep bringing up the wrongs of the past. Of course America's past has many wrongs, none of which can be changed generations later. The list is as long as the ingenuity and imagination of Satan's demons can make it. Sometimes the list is correct, sometimes perhaps not, but the accuracy is meaningless. Satan just needs the anger. That list is brought up on a daily basis to stir up hatred.

With hatred, Satan can cause his followers to do a whole bunch of what he would consider to be awesome stuff. The perceived victims can hate the perceived progeny of the perceived wrong-doers. Whether either party's ancestors were actually a part of the wrong doing is irrelevant - because for Satan, it's not about the wrongs of the past, it's about the hatred today.

With that hatred, perceived victims can now excuse themselves for causing further wrong doing. They can kill, injure or steal in the name of social justice. They can excuse themselves for doing little that is productive, because they place themselves in victim mode. They can seethe and destroy their own lives. They abandon their shepherd and choose to hang with wolves. Eventually, they become wolves. And in the end, their souls are devoured by the beast that they have become.

You might have hear the indian story about two wolves that live inside of us. I'll summarize it quickly. One is good, one is evil, and they're always doing battle. The son asks the father which one wins, and the father responds: "the one you feed".

May we all lift ourselves and choose which beast inside us to feed. May we choose the shepherd and not the pack. May we choose gifts, love and service over hate and anger. It's a much happier way to live - the Lord has made sure of that.

Wisdom is a she

It's amazing how easily distracted I am. I was reading yesterday and had that moment when I knew I was done reading and it was time to start writing. I moved to my computer and I don't know if it was email, facebook, or whatever, but off to the wrong road I went. I had a vision of what I wanted to write in mind, but that train has long since left the station. It's a lesson in priorities.

One of the scriptures I underlined had a couple of things I still would like to explore. It's Mosiah 8:20. "...yea, and how blind and impenetrable are the understandings of the children of men; for they will not seek wisdom, neither do they desire that she should rule over them!"

There's a lot of deeper stuff in that half a passage for me. First, it occurs to me that the Lord isn't necessarily hiding himself from us - we're hiding ourselves from him. We choose a lifestyle that causes our own blindness to God, and we make sure that the way toward him is impenetrable. Impenetrable for God, and impenetrable (or apparently to us) to us. I looked up the reference at the bottom for impenetrable, and it referred me to Nephi's vision. Impenetrable fogs - fogs that we choose to place around us so we don't have to deal with the discomfort of living in God's light and living in his truth.

There are plenty of us - perhaps all of us if we consider that there are many shades of gray - who choose blindness to God. Perhaps we have made an order of God in the past and he didn't deliver it as consistently as the pizza man does. Perhaps we didn't do our part, perhaps it wasn't in the plan, but in any case we find ourselves angry with God, and choose blindness. He's not there - I can't see him - he didn't deliver what I requested - I guess I'll go smoke some meth again (insert your own favorite vice there if that doesn't apply).

We all do it to one extent or another. God's not watching, so I'm watching - porn. God's not watching, so I'll yell at my baby. God's not around, so I'm gonna go have some fun. And our blindness increases, and our fog gets more impenetrable. How could he watch when the fog around is that thick anyway?

I could go down the same kind of road about seeking wisdom. Who really seeks wisdom anyway? We spend a lot more time seeking entertainment than wisdom. This may include watching sports or netflix. My favorites are "Better call Saul" and "The walking dead". Twisted shows. Very. And I watch the Jazz when they're not losing. Guilty as charged. Seeking wisdom is much less entertaining, but of course much less rewarding in the long term.

The last sentence in the passage? Nor do they desire that she should rule over them? First of all, why would we want anybody to rule over us, and who is she? Aren't we supposed to be our own persons? What she is supposed to rule us?

There's gold in that phrase.

Joseph Smith in rural NY of 1830 could never have known this, but in other languages stuff has female or masculine references. In spanish, a shirt (camisa) is feminine. Your pants (pantalones) are masculine. That's the language I know only because I did a mission in Guatemala. No english speaker would refer to wisdom as having a gender, but this is what Joe's translation did. I guess in the Hebrew, wisdom is a she, and when he translated that language, he translated the genderness (a garth word, I know) as he read it. That's a gem. No way he could have come up with that himself.

And then there's this: that she should rule over them? Again, it's like I'm offended; who wants somebody to rule over them? Perhaps all of us if what's ruling over us is mother wisdom.

But again, we prefer our fog. It's our protective blanket against God and his love. We couldn't possibly want to live in and around his glorious presence, his love and his warmth. Better to live in our own complete lack of wisdom and be ruled over by the weather than by real warmth. Better to search in the fog than to be guided by the hands of angels. We can then pretend that we're ruling over ourselves, when in reality we're just choosing who or what rules us. The porn, our anger, the emptiness - at least we can claim it to be ours. It doesn't rule us, right?

That was a very deep passage for me. I'm grateful that I was able to see at least a part of what the writer(s) intended.

Hedges

So I was talking to Makay yesterday - a session. Those are certainly enlightening. She mentioned that my life may have a few more hedges in the future, that it may not be as easy - at least in some senses - as it has been.

I guess I should back up there. I'm very grateful for where I am. My relationship with Julie is pretty close to perfection. She is my center. She knows me and loves me, and accepts me, and inspires me to be all I can be. My relationship with the kids is improving - I have failed all of them, and done poorly in my choices with them in the past, but they see me love them without judgment and I think they appreciate that. After making such a life changing decision so many years ago, they have good justification to fear and doubt, but I and we are showing them love. I believe it was worth it.

I have my health, I have great neighbors and friends, I'm growing in my soul and feeling my spiritual strength grow. I even live in the awesomest place on earth. It's gorgeous here in Saratoga on the lake. The area speaks peace to me. Julie is making great money and will be making more soon. My business looks like it will do really well - my life is a series of gifts like christmas in daddy warbuck's house.

So back to hedges. She mentioned that there may be a few more hedges in my life in the future. If that's what the Lord needs to place there, I choose to see hedges as a gift - as guidance. If I'm told "you can't go there", then I know it's because I need to go somewhere else.

I had thought that hedges were like walls, placed in the way to keep you from where you need to go. Based on that, I chose to read the passages from the scriptures that talk about hedges. One of them is in Mosiah 7, verse 29.

"For behold, the Lord hath said: I will not succor my people in the day of their transgression; but I will hedge up their ways that they prosper not; and their doings shall be as a stumbling block before them"

I think that hedges can be placed by ourselves, by the adversary, or by the Lord. When placed by the Lord, they mark the path. They show us "don't go this way" and then we get to find another way - the path the Lord would have us take.

And everyone gets the opportunity to face difficulties - it's what life is about. Facing and overcoming stuff makes us grow, and without it we will have wasted much of what our live should be.

Perhaps the hedges that we put in front of ourselves, or that Satan does, may be the same thing. Maybe I've been a meth addict and spent all my money - I know I should go to church but I feel guilty, have no money for clothes, and I might believe the church would fall down if I went in. All of these are hedges that Satan has created, and I have accepted, that keep me from going to church. These are not good hedges, and they don't show the path. They are there because I stopped growing tomatoes and allowed the thorn patch to thrive. Wading through these hedges won't be fun, but the Lord has a power lawn mower. He can make the path much easier if we let him.

Verse 33 is approaching the level of testimony that might put it in my blog about great men's testimonies. "But if ye will turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart, and put your trust in him, and serve him with all diligence of mind, if ye do this, he will, according to his own will and pleasure, deliver you out of bondage.

We place ourselves in thorny patches, hedges on all sides, no escape path. This is not the Lord - it's not anybody but ourselves. By ourselves, it's hopeless, but it isn't hopeless. The Lord has the trimmer/backhoe/bulldozer that gets through hedges with ease. The instructions are full purpose of heart, diligence, and faith that the Lord will do it when the Lord sees it's time. Once again, the Lord isn't a McDonalds order clerk, we don't place orders in our prayers and drive to the next window expecting results. We do our part and have faith and patience that the Lord will take it from there when the Lord decides to do so. This is what he did for the people of Limhi in this chapter of Mosiah.

As for me, and for now, I welcome the hedges. As long as I am reading the scriptures, writing from my soul here, loving my wife, kids and grandkids, and serving as well as I can, the hedges will be considered gifts. They will guide me and grow me, and I hope that I can be grateful for both.

Counseling the Lord

I'm starting to find that I really enjoy the Book of Mormon. To me, the Doctrine and Covenants and the Bible are always the word of God, but it's a harder read. I feel that I have to work harder to get the gems. After all the admiration I've gathered for Moroni and others, here's Jacob, the unheralded brother of Nephi who pounds scripture down with such impressive power and humility.

So I landed today in Jacob 4. Verse 3 states "Now in this thing we do rejoice; and we labor diligently to engraven these words upon plates, hoping that our beloved brethren and our children will receive them with thankful hearts, and look upon them that they may learn with joy and not with sorrow, neither with contempt, concerning their first parents."

Here I see that Jacob understands that different people can look at the same event and come up with a much different reaction. For example, we live in a beautiful home near the lake, and will be building a more beautiful home across the street, next to the lake. Some will see that as awesome. Others will see that and feel jealousy or anger. One person I know will worry for me. After all, she worried about the lake flooding me when she found out where I lived - and now I'm going to be much closer. Let's just say I understand the risks and I choose beauty over fear.

Another example. Just had my birthday and now I'm - ugh - 57. How did I get so old? I still insist that my body and everything about me is somewhere in the 30's. I was mentioning on facebook that I'm starting a new business - therealestateedge.com, and someone asks me why I'm starting a business when I should be thinking about retirement. Why retire? I'm not tired! And what fun is sitting in the rocking chair anyway? But these are just examples of how different people see the same events differently.

So here's Jacob, he has the wisdom to know that some will see his writing with sorrow or contempt. He also knows that thankfulness is an option. He lets us all know that he'd prefer thankfulness - it's a higher energy emotion that gets us much further than those that are negative. He knows that thankfulness is a step to getting us moving toward Christ, as he describes in the next verse. Negative emotions may make the person feel something they want or choose to feel, but they don't move anyone toward Christ.

So then he moves us forward. Verse 10 says "Wherefore, brethren, seek not to counsel the Lord, but to take counsel from his hand. For behold, ye yourselves know that he counseleth in wisdom, and in justice, and in great mercy, over all his works. 11 Wherefore, beloved brethren, be reconciled unto him through the atonement of Christ, his only Begotten son, and ye may obtain a resurrection which is in Christ, and be presented as having faith...".

We're all good at sometimes (or usually) thinking the Lord is like a fast-food order taker. Whether we realize it or not, we act like prayer is us making an order for what we want. Then we expect to be able to drive to the next window and pick it up. This is counseling the Lord. When we stop to think, we realize that the Lord will never give us what we don't need, even though we requested it, because he loves us. There are exceptions to that - sometimes when we insist on getting the wrong thing, the Lord lets us fail so we realize that we need a bit more humility and better ears. One example of that is Joseph and Oliver and the lost manuscript.

Gotta go. recording this morning. May we and I learn to make requests, and not orders from the Lord. And may we listen to his feedback when he tries to communicate in our prayers

Nephi's testimony and his gifts

So I was reading the last book of 2 Nephi today; still on the hunt for the greatest testimonies of the great men of God. This is the quest that started my journey writing in here. Makay challenged me to search the scriptures for gifts and what I could learn, but I knew that I had to first start by hunting for the great testimonies of the great prophets of God.

I found Nephi's testimony. Powerful stuff.

10 And if ye shall believe in Christ ye will believe in these words, for they are the words of Christ, and he hath given them unto me; and they teach all men that they should do good. 11 And if they are not the words of Christ, judge ye- for Christ will show unto you, with power and great glory, that they are his words, at the last day; and you and I shall stand face to face before his bar; and ye shall know that I have been commanded of him to write these things, notwithstanding my weakness...14 And you that will not partake of the goodness of God, and respect the words of the Jews, and also my words, and the words which shall proceed forth out of the mouth of the Lamb of God, behold I bid you an everlasting farewell, for these words shall condemn you at the last day.

Nephi had a hard life. First it's the wilderness, losing his wealth, getting abused and bullied much, then getting to the Americas and having his life, and the life of his people be at risk. Not to mention the joy of starting a civilization from scratch. Food, housing - it all had to be created from scratch. Not a terribly enjoyable life.

I also noticed that Nephi handed the plates to Enos, rather than one of his sons. Maybe his sons rebelled too? What a sad life that would be. If so, he could say he left his life with nothing. No posterity to carry truth on, few material possessions if any. At the same time, his life was pure greatness; he qualified himself for all gifts of God, and blessed generations for thousands of years to come. I think he'd say that was a success.

One thing that handing leadership to Jacob does - it takes away the claim his errant brothers made that he did everything for power. He gave the mantle of power to his brother. Of course, that didn't change the story that the Lamanites told themselves at all - they just changed the narrative so they could continue to justify themselves in their hating.

We do that.

In any case, I'm about gifts - it's something that I focus on. Not sure why, it just fascinates me. I see that Nephi laments that he can't talk to us, because he knows that he's better with the spoken word than written. He feels that the spoken word comes with the spirit better than the written word. I'm thinking that there is more communication that happens when a word is spoken by a powerful man - back in the day they told me in my communications classes that the actual words used were less than 50% of the meaning. Nephi could use the power of his soul to communicate more than just the words. On the other hand, the spirit can accompany written words just as well as spoken words - but the reception of those words has more to do with the readiness and gifts of the receiver than the gifts of the speaker/writer.

In any case, Nephi shows humility. He acknowledges that there are gifts he doesn't have. He's not dejected or angry about that, he just rolls with it. He doesn't feel less than someone else for not having a gift that he can see he doesn't have. He makes with his gift set what he can make of it. He does the best he can, and relies on the Lord to make up the difference. That's what we all should be doing.