Common knowledge is wrong again

As a born contrarian, I love it when I open up the curtain and find that what everybody considers to be true - well, it just isn't. I've had some pretty contrarian positions that I've published about radon and meth, for example. I've done battle with supervisors, got myself fired, and ended up working for myself. That happens I guess.

And now we run into a fairly big one. The "don't judge others" phrase you so often hear when someone doesn't want you dipping into their subject? Yeah - it's not that clean. The Lord knows - and the world knows - that making judgments is a regular part of our every day lives. We judge who we're going to do business with, who we hang out with, who we marry, and what time we tell our kids to come home. We judge how fast to drive the car, and yes, we judge how fast others are driving theirs.

Moroni 7 makes it a bit more clear. "15...it is given unto you to judge, that ye may know good from evil; and the way to judge is plain" "16...the Spirit of Christ is given to every man; that he may know good from evil".

In the defense of the "don't judge - ever" crowd, I think what they're going for is what Moroni mentions in verse 18. "...See that ye do not judge wrongfully; for with that same judgment which ye judge ye shall also be judged."

That sounds painful. So here's the scenario: a teenager listening to his phone on a skateboard falls because he hit a sidewalk bump. I could respond "the dude's an idiot - maybe he learned something" or I could see him as his parents and God see him - as a part of all of us who do things that hurt, and need help.

Some of my friends are working through issues with having been molested as children - one by her father, one by her grandfather. This is something on a scale that I have never experienced before. What I do understand is this: one of them has placed that event as an event in her life that she now accepts simply as having happened. It has not affected how she feels about herself, and does not limit her success as an adult. How she does this I couldn't begin to speak about. Another friend is dealing with that as well. She's not as far along the journey as the first, but I have no doubt that in the end she will defeat this set of demons like she has others.

I bring this up because it's about forgiveness. This is a subject that I struggle with as well - people that I thought cared about me do what I consider to be traitorous, and I have had issues with that. What I realize is that they don't see it that way - and how they did see it doesn't matter because I only control my own thoughts. I only am responsible for me and what I do, and who I become.  Others will err, as do I, and frankly, I've realized that if I can give others a pass for what I consider to be huge errors, I'll get the same kind of forgiveness when judgment day comes for me.

It's like cheating the system - but it was designed that way. If I can forgive others in a way greater than anyone could expect, I'll get that kind of forgiveness for me. Better on judgment day, and probably a much better way to live. Grudges tend to weigh a lot. One is a big load - more than that can crush you.

A thought came to me once as someone I know was complaining loudly about someone she worked with. I said "is it ok with you that others are imperfect?" I got a quizzical look from her. It didn't end well. I realize now that while I was trying to straighten her out, I had failed to realize that I was perhaps judging harshly. If I had realized that I needed to be OK with her being imperfect at that moment, things might have gone better. The irony.

May we judge, as we must always do, but with kindness, with love. With forgiveness, understanding that we don't know that person like God does. And knowing that if we don't have the whole picture, we can't judge completely.