Pushing through because it's the right thing

 It's been well over 2 years since my last blog post. I had a roll going - I think it was about 140 posts or so. This blog hasn't been well read - usually I get about 30 or so that read it. From my point of view, it's iffy whether that's enough for me to feel I make a difference, and I'll certainly never make a nickel from it. 

I quit because people that I care about criticized it and me for doing it. I'm getting rich off of having a voice, they said. I'm trying to project my awesomeness, even though I and others know that I'm far from awesome. I'm trying to make somebody in a far away place think I've got things figured out. None of that would be true. 

The challenge that was given me was to read a scripture or something inspiring, then write about it. I was just reading Come Follow Me on my phone, and noticed the same thing I noticed every other time I do that kind of study: Record Your Impressions. It's front and center on the beginning of every lesson. Record your impressions. It's time for me to do that again.

What I found while I was following the challenge to read and then write, that I was growing. My inner spirituality was growing greatly. I was being lifted while I wrote things, and I was lifted after that moment. This is why I do it - or at least why I did it. I'd like to think that I've grown up enough to do what I do because I choose to do it, but apparently I'm still so weak that I'd let criticism from others stop me from making my own choices. That needs to end, and today's post will hopefully be the beginning of the new journey - or perhaps a resuming of the old one. 

So what wisdom do I have to share today? I watched President Nelson's easter message on forgiving. Normally I pass on those messages - I'm not mister eat, live and breathe church stuff, but today I listened. The message was inspiring. 

I also saw on facebook a post about forgiveness - about a preacher who was saying that we should forgive, if only because the Lord is willing to forgive us. Apparently it's forgiveness day for me. I'm going to be a bit vulnerable because I don't think anybody in my circles will read this anyway, but I've struggled for years with certain family members. From my point  of view, they turned on me when I needed support the most. I was even fired as a customer by my only brother because I was going through a hard divorce. My thought at the time was something like "well if they think the ex is their family, then that's who they'll get". It was very dark and poisonous to me, and decades later, I still haven't let it all go.

But President Nelson's message is that if we forgive, we'll also be forgiven. There is scriptural backup to that. It's funny but I gave my sister grief once for not being ok with people being imperfect. Then I turn around and get upset because I won't let her be imperfect. 

I don't have a glowing finish to this blog - I don't know how to beautifully tie up the concept that forgiveness is something we all want. But I restarted the blog, and that's perhaps enough for today. 

Maybe I'll just forgive myself for walking away from this blog and from my voice for 2.5 years. I'll do that.