I am a man

So today begins the first day of posting after my gifts of the spirit run. I gotta say I really feel lifted from that study. Who would have thought (not me) that index based study could be so uplifting? I'd expected it to be more like studying a dictionary. Yeah - no.

So before I begin my next subject, I thought I'd go back to picking a random chapter, as guided by those on the other side who are committed to helping me grow. I landed in Alma chapter 18.

I have to preface this by saying that I've been concerned about the way I approach this blog in the future. In the past it's just been little old me writing stuff that I see and feel, knowing that nobody would read it. This last week, I told my bishop about it, and shared it with about four friends who I thought might appreciate my thoughts. I know, however, that some day or year there will be many - perhaps even 10 people or less - who might read this. My concern is that if I get lots of readers and I'm still writing, will I change my writing because I know it's being read? I'm concerned about that. Don't want that to happen. It needs to be unfiltered.

And what if I get thousands of readers? Will I let that go to my head? Will I think I'm awesome and lose my gifts because I'm thinking that any gift I used to create things was mine? Will it become something that being acknowledged causes me to very mistakenly believe that I'm better than? These are all fears that I have wrestled with in the last few days.

So I land on Alma, chapter 18. Now here's Ammon, who has done something truly awesome. It's much better than a successful blog. He has committed himself to service of the Lord, and combined that service with preparation. This sets him up to defend the king's flocks and make a hero of himself. He took the job nobody wanted - shepherd for the king - and set himself up to be killed for failure to defend the flocks. Others might have seen that as setting himself up for failure and a sure path to a meaningless death. He knew that service and faith would be his pathway to success. So - he defends the flocks, kills a number of attackers, cuts off a number of arms, and generally makes himself a biblical class hero. Here is a guy with something to be proud of. A manly man. A guy that the king knows even an army can't touch. An American Samson. A man like David, but perhaps greater in my mind, because David used his feat to become king. Ammon rejected being king so he could do missionary work.

In any case, it's an interesting comparison.

So here's a guy with something to brag about. Some real proof that he's awesome. A reason to swagger. What does he do? He waits for the king's next order. He defended the king's herds. Check. What's next?

What makes a man that is so humble that he can accomplish greatness and not get caught up in his own awesomeness? How did he separate the fact that what he did was simply God's gifts developed, and God's blessings for him doing what was expected?

Perhaps because he'd been doing that for longer than just this day. He had asked his Father what to do next, and then did it. There is no choir of angels that happens when we do what God asks, yet Ammon was so used to doing the right thing for the right reason, that he might not have expected much from this earthly king. Been there, done that. What do I need to do next?

This is my road map. If there is perceived greatness in my future, for whatever reason, I must take the Lord's guidance as displayed by Ammon. If there are millions of dollars and fame, it's what the Lord has given me so I can accomplish the next thing. If there is not, that's what the Lord has given me so I can accomplish the next thing. Ammon achieved greatness because for Ammon, it was never about Ammon. I am now committed to the same.

Enjoying what we're willing to receive

It's been a beautiful run through the index as relates to gifts of the spirit. I can't say how much it fills me, and how passionate I am about the subject. I also know that there are approximately 1 billion other subjects that also can be researched in the same way. What I thought was going to be boring and studious turned out to fill my soul in a way I did not know was possible.

So here we are at the last blog post for this project set. The scripture reference for today is Doctrine and Covenants 88: 32. This is something I've alluded to, but as always this scripture touches corners that had not been considered before. "...to enjoy that which they are willing to receive, because they were not willing to enjoy that which they might have received."

So here we all are, saying that we wish God would just dump gifts on us like a Costa Rica rain storm. "Send it to me, dogs and cats" we might say - "I'm ready". But the reality is that we're not ready. And in fact, the Lord has already given us what we're ready for. He did it at the moment we were ready for it. We're not ready, waiting for him - it's the other way around.

So now I look at myself. I have a set of gifts that I cannot possibly compare to the gifts of others. First of all, I don't know their gifts, second, I don't know them. Third, I don't even know mine really - even though I'm trying hard to get a better inclination of what they may be. Why don't I have bigger/better/more/more obvious/more awesome gifts than I have? I say this not to depreciate the gifts I have, but as a matter of acknowledgement that where ever I am, there is more.

The thought occurs to me "Yeah! I'll do whatever it takes", but will I? What if whatever it takes means being a better home teacher? What if it means trying harder to serve my children and grandchildren? Tithing? What if it means that I should work harder at being a better teacher, getting to church on time, or getting to church in an emotional state where I'm ready to grow? What if it means really starting my day with the scriptures? What if it means not hammering that guy that really, truly needs to be hammered? Yeah - that happened yesterday. I worked him over really well, and it didn't help me feel one bit better. I probably hammered my own soul as well as I hammered his.

What if it means doing the right thing with the right attitude, and not just doing the right thing and making sure someone is watching? Worst of all for me, what if it means finding a way to love someone who, and this is quite personal for me today, watches church meetings so they can find something to criticize about it on facebook?

I'd so much rather shun those people - ban them and their personal poison from my life. Protect myself from their black aura by not approaching it, not mixing with it. But that's not the commandment: I have to love them.

Yeah, that's hard. And I must work through these kinds of things to progress. Did I mention that it's hard though?

There is more for my soul when I am ready to receive it. May we all look at our lives, and ask what we are preventing the Lord from giving us. Maybe we yearn for greater love, for gifts of wisdom or knowledge, for greater spiritual power.

He's waiting.

Wisdom, knowledge, and the discerning of spirits

What fun it is to go through the index and learn of spiritual gifts! I have been through most of it now, and the thought of being done with this phase is kinda like finishing a novel that you've completely loved. You want to turn the page, but know that there are limited numbers of pages left to turn.

Thankfully I guess, I can always learn from other sources, and I can go back through at any time. There are always layers that are missed and soul recharging that can be done - and other subjects that can be soul enlarging as well.

So the subject remains gifts of the spirit, and Doctrine and Covenants 46 is filled with the Lord's word on the subject.

Verse 8: ...Seek ye earnestly the best gifts, always remembering for what they are given.

For what they are given? That's interesting. So why is a gift given? Obviously not so you have a bigger collection - it's not like certain wealthy people (or non wealthy who want to appear so) who collect cars or other objects to appear awesome. If you have a spiritual gift from God, I believe it must be honored, cherished, valued, used and developed before he's ready to give you more. You just can't hoard gifts - the perfect, loving Father wouldn't do that to us. We would have to answer for that.

So why is a gift given? I think it's kinda the opposite of hoarding it. It's so that one gift can be cherished and developed, and used, over and over again, to serve God's children. You don't take a gift - you give with it. How awesome is it that the more you give a gift that you've received, the bigger your gift is? This is not the way it works in the physical world - I like the spiritual way much better.

Remembering for what they are given. When given huge gifts, there can be a tendency to be proud of that gift. I have to fight this myself. I'm proud and excited that I have a portion of what (after the last post) I will call the Gift of Aaron - the ability to communicate. To present. To inspire perhaps. But there's a risk there - something of a double edged sword. I believe that as soon as I begin to feel pride for having that gift, my focus is on the wrong side and I begin to lose it. The gift was given to me, not earned or deserved, and it is not mine to keep to myself. It must be used, humbly, to serve.

10: I would that ye should always remember, and always retain in your minds what those gifts are
11: To every man is given a gift
17-23 Gifts mentioned here include the word of wisdom, knowledge, miracles, prophesy, and discerning of spirits.
28 He that asketh in Spirit shall receive in Spirit
30 He that asketh in the Spirit asketh according to the will of God

I find it interesting that the gifts of wisdom and knowledge are mentioned separately. I find this painfully true in my life today. There are some I know who I would say are very much knowledgeable, but to me that doesn't translate to "getting it". To wisdom. This tells me that a person must be careful to check himself - if having wisdom and knowledge are two different things, then one must not assume that having one automatically means they have both.

On the other hand, it also corrects me a bit. I have to yield to the fact that knowledge is a gift of God. I see where it lies in someone to the point that it's an impediment to their growth, and the growth of others in their circle. That annoys me because sometimes my perceived wisdom and their perceived knowledge get in the way of each other. Still, I must now agree that their knowledge is a gift. That's a bit painful to me up front, but I can learn from this: more wisdom can be gained from their knowledge - even if their knowledge may be leading them sideways - at least as viewed by me - at the moment.

Oh. And don't get me started on discerning of spirits. This one could be entertaining. Does this mean that you can discern a good one from a bad one? Does it mean that you can discern when they are there? Or how many there are? Can you only see them in certain places or can you discern them at any time? I guess if you can tell the difference between good and bad spirits, you must know that they are there. Does it mean you can see them? Or can you just feel they're there? Does discernment use what we perceive as our physical or spiritual eyes? And are there only two kinds of spirits? Good and bad? What if discernment - well, I'll stop there. This is a subject that must be studied by each of us personally.

You can see that there are so many varieties of gift sets that the Lord might give us, all within this one category. May we yearn for, seek for, these gifts, and know that "he that asketh in Spirit shall receive in Spirit".

What an adventure this life is.

No power can take it away

Not sure why the subjects of gifts is so powerful to me, but it does bring out a lot of interesting knowledge. Sometimes that information is related to gifts, sometimes it's not - but I love finding the little easter eggs filled with spiritual gems.

This time it's in Doctrine and Covenants 8, verses 8 through 10. But first it comes with a phrase that drew me. The "gift of Aaron" was mentioned in verse 7. I hadn't heard of this term, and it intrigued me. I had some knowledge that Aaron went before Moses, and that he was a better speaker. He spoke on behalf of his brother.

I didn't research to verify this, but from the back corners of my brain I think I remember that Moses objected when he was called of God to be prophet. He said something like "but I don't speak very well". That's funny, because we're all inadequate for whatever callings we get - and that's of course completely irrelevant. Whatever gifts and traits we have are why he called us. Or maybe he wants us to grow - nobody knows - but what counts for Moses is that he was enough. He was enough with the Lord's help, and by not relying on just himself, to be a game changer for the Lord.

One of the Lord's other servants that he relied on was his brother Aaron. The guy who could speak better. I did a small amount of research on what the meaning was of "Aaron's gift", and found what I believe to be gibberish about his stick. His gift was his ability to speak. This is something I identify with.

You might have figured out that I write sometimes. I record - a lot - and have hundreds of videos and more hundreds of podcasts. I write blogs, I write and publish articles. I've written a number of books - five of them. I seem to have a passion for writing/speaking/communicating, and I've seen my skills grow and feel good about developing my gifts in that arena. This is pretty unusual for a guy who is certifiable as a nerd and engineer. Us engineers don't write - we math. We design. We logic. We hang out with other nerds. Writing is the painful thing you gotta do when you're done programming the computer or running data.

But I'm grateful for this gift, and can't say how much I enjoy the journey. My gratitude cannot be well stated, but I am grateful to be able to describe so many concepts that were not possible for me before.

The gift of Aaron, to me, is the gift of speech. Of communicating clearly and powerfully, plainly. The gift to present ideas clearly, and when appropriate, with the power of God behind the words. I certainly make no pretense as to being anywhere near as powerful as many of the Lord's leaders I hear regularly, but they have other gifts and callings. I'm grateful that my little voice from the corner is blessed.

So the gift of Aaron? That's my gift. I feel a bit special because one of my gifts is specifically mentioned in this way. The Lord doesn't usually speak in such specifics, so I'm glad my gift, similar to Aaron's in some ways, is mentioned. This makes verses 8 through 10 more powerful to me.

"8 Therefore, doubt not, for it is the gift of God; and you shall hold it in your hands, and do marvelous works; and no power shall be able to take it away out of your hands, for it is the work of God"

Dang. No power can take it away - at least not human power. I could be tortured. I could be ridiculed, starved, whatever. As long as I don't take the gift away from myself, it's mine. That's awesome.

"Doubt not, for it is the gift of God". How often do we take our gifts away from ourselves by ignoring or starving out the gifts we have? How cool is it to know you have a particular gift, and know it so well that you can hold it in your hands, and appreciate its presence, and feel gratitude to the giver of the gift? How fun is it to see a gift grow and help fill in the holes, corners and gaps of what a person can become?

8-9: "And, therefore, whatsoever you shall ask me to tell you by that means, that I will grant unto you, and you shall have knowledge concerning it. Remember that without faith you can do nothing; therefore ask in faith. Trifle not with these things; do not ask for that which you ought not."

It occurs to me that we all have our gifts, some discovered, some developed, some ignored, some buried. But the Lord is I think most likely to communicate with us through the gifts we have, rather than hand us a different one because the ones we have, which are undeveloped, are not getting the communication done.

May we all commit to the ultimate adventure: discovering who we are. Personally. To find out how the Lord sees us, what gifts he has ready for us, to know what we are and what we can become. Speaking from my puny personal experience, it's a lot of fun.

thou shalt be

So I have covered this subject before a bit in one of my previous posts, but when I run into something that grabs me, it just grabs me. Don't matter if I've been there before - I write about what grabs me with no filters. Maybe if you happen to run across the two - or more - posts that cover this subject, you'll gain something different from each. At least I hope so.

I'm doing research on spiritual gifts, and ran across a verse in doctrine and covenants 3, verse 11. The precision of the language - especially in the doctrine and covenants, always interests me.

So here we are in verse 11 and the lord talks about how if Joseph doesn't properly honor his gifts, "thou shalt be delivered up and become as other men; and have no more gift".

First this tells me that the Lord, the provider of all gifts, has the ability to, and I'll be less precise than the Lord's words here, take away a gift. It might be more precise to say that he doesn't do it, but that we throw our gift away. I suspect the latter is the case more often, as it just makes more sense to me, but in any case a gift can be lost by not valuing and developing it.

But what struck me here is the third person language that the Lord uses. He doesn't say "I'll deliver you up to Satan", although I think that's what nearly everyone interprets when they read such a verse. Instead he says that he will be delivered up. He's not involved. And that may be why the delivering up happens.

The key here to me is that when we fail to grow, we slide, and we through our own actions and choices send ourselves to the pit. We deliver ourselves - but to the wrong place. It also occurs to me that man can deliver himself only to the pit, while only God can deliver us from it, or deliver us to heaven. This means to me that if a man is trying to rely only on himself, there is only one delivery destination he can send himself to - and it's not the one he wants.

I go to other scriptures I remember reading. A person can "be damned" if he does x or y. This again is very precise language.  It doesn't necessarily mean that the Lord does it, but the destination is clear. We do it to ourselves, then blame the Lord for damning us, when he was out of the picture the whole time - we kept him out.

May we keep our gifts. May we develop them. May we find joy in learning about these gifts provided to us by our Creator. May we use them to learn faith, and learn of our God. May we use them to gain greater insight in who we are, and how our Master sees us. May we use them to follow Him more clearly.

wilfully rebelled

So I'm working on scriptural references about spiritual gifts from the topical guide today - it's been the subject for a while recently. Makes sense though - it's kinda what this blog is about. I have to admit I am passionate about this subject - it's fun to see the many varieties of gifts that the Lord provides, the degrees and shades they take, and how they are received - or not.

Which brings us to today's thoughts. I'm in Mormon chapter 1. This is a very sad life that Mormon lives - he is asked to lead his people, and he does his best, knowing that the end result will be that they are slaughtered. He knows that he has the answer that they need to avoid extermination, but they will not listen. He has the entire recipe, all the ingredients, the required pots, pans and cooking materials. All they have to do is eat it. They won't.

So in verse 15 he starts out talking about how he "tasted and knew of Jesus" at the ripe old age of 15. And then he talks about how he then began to speak of Jesus and preach to his people.

I mean, most of us are passionate about protecting our families. We often find it extremely difficult to bury a child, a parent, or a spouse. Anyone. It can shut down a person's life for a time, and leave them irreparably saddened - sometimes for a lifetime. Now imagine that it's all of them. Brother, sister, spouse, parents, children, extended family, and the neighbors. All of them. And you can't - because they won't listen. How lonely would that be before they all die, and how lonely would it be after.

So he tries to get them to change, and see the error of their ways, and look unto Christ, 16 "...but my mouth was shut, and I was forbidden that I should preach unto them; for behold they had willfully rebelled against their God".

Here to me is another amazing example of how God's mind works. He loves us. That I believe is first and paramount, and all decisions stem from that fact. So if he believes that we can be benefitted by being preached to, then preachers we will have. Leaders from His divinely organized church, and his servants there to guide and assist us.

But what when we personally will not have the truth? This goes back to a concept I discussed earlier. If as a loving grandparent I give a gift to my grandchild and he won't open it, or opens it and throws it away. Do I give him or her that gift again the next day? Probably not, and it's not out of spite, but because I know that my gift will not be appreciated. It sets both the giver and the givee back to give a gift that is not used or appreciated.

The Lord loves us. He knows that if we get a gift from him, such as his word, and we knowingly reject it, we'll have to answer for that. Why would he do something to/for us that he knows will set us back on judgment day?

This subject goes way deeper than I could ever pretend to understand. What about if the Lord needs us to use our agency? What if there's a 1 percent chance? What if he needs us to do whatever else?

But one thing we do know: in this moment, Mormon was actually told not to preach any more. Why? Because they had willfully rebelled. They knew what the truth was - Mormon wasn't going to tell them anything they didn't already know. And they had rejected it already. Might as well let them die without condemning them any more evidence than there already was.

How sad is that.

But does this apply to us? Of course. How often are we unwilling to look at the truth because it's inconvenient? Or if it ties up time we wanted to spend boating? Or if it messes with a lifestyle we like? Or we don't want to tithe?

We'll come up with excuses, and stop ourselves from progressing, because we like the sewage pit we have gotten comfortable in.

And nobody gonna pull us out - unless they come with a sewage pit of their own.

May we do better, and be open to truth, and accept all perceived consequences - and blessings that come with it.

Hidden in plain sight

I found another few points of inspiration today - the point of study is gifts of the spirit, so we're going through the topical guide on that subject. I'm working my way through all the scriptures, but today's study is a chunk of the references in the Book of Mormon.

Mosiah 8:16. "...A seer is a revelator and a prophet also; and a gift which is greater can no man have, except the power of God..."

Alma 9 verse 21. "Having been visited by the Spirit of God; having conversed with angels, and having been spoken unto by the voice of the Lord..."

And I lost the third one.

At first it seems that the two have to do with very different subjects, but there is a shared commonality (I know, that's saying the same thing twice - it just feels better that way) between the two. Both represent the gifts of God, and how he communicates with us. The first reminds us of how the Lord communicates to all of the church and all of humanity through his prophet and seer. The second reminds us of the set of gifts available to each of us.

I've heard accusations by non believers and haters that those of us in the LDS faith are sheep and will follow whatever the prophet says blindly. The reality is that it is possible that some may actually do that. But those individuals may have some basis for doing so justifiably. The key word here is "blindly". If, for example, I happen to have received personal revelation from a divine source that the prophet is the prophet? Well then, if I choose to just follow, then that's not being blind to me. It's always better if I choose to follow up and receive my own revelation, but honestly, we're humans. I for one am not going to be likely to seek confirmations from above on every word said at general conference, for example.

I feel the need to drive it home a bit further. I play ultimate frisbee. Let's say that I know the guy who wrote the rule book on ultimate. He plays frisbee with me 3 times per week. He is accepted by the guys as the source for all rules (meaning that there are no "house" rules we've adopted, like a dropped pull/kickoff is not a turnover). If a moment occurs when something happens, and he says the rules say "x", then if I trust his integrity to interpret the rules as written, I'm not going to research google every time he says something. That's not blindness - I think it falls under the category of faith.

Now if I were to go to google to verify what he had said, that's never a problem - it increases my knowledge of the rules and confirms my faith. That's all good.

I also found it interesting that the Lord provides multiple gifts and pathways to me being provided with my own personal guidance. This to me is one of those gems that is beautifully hidden in plain sight. We can be guided by the Holy Ghost, by the Lord's messengers, or by the voice of the Lord himself. Three pathways, one me. There may be others - who knows. The one that strikes me, though, is the one about the Lord's messengers. He sends angels. I think my mom is one of them for me. She is certainly an angel, and I'm sure she has few motivations greater than to see me succeed. This makes her absolutely my angel mother.

I've written about this before, but sitting around playing the harp sounds to me like what hell is about - I don't want to play the harp, let alone forever. I want to help people succeed when I pass to the other side. Especially my family. I'm sure it would be frustrating often - just like parenting is - but the love and joy I can imagine when my people do well? That sounds like heaven.

It's entirely possible that my third reference was in 1 Nephi 10. The center of this thought is in verse 17. Lehi had received a vision in a dream. Nephi had more than enough confirmation in his life to know that his father was a man of the Lord and a prophet. He could have let that be enough, but he wanted it for himself. He wanted more. He chose not to use faith this time, but to add to his own knowledge and spiritual stature.

17 "And it came to pass after I, Nephi, having heard all the words of my father, concerning the things which he saw in a vision...I Nephi, was desirous also that I might see, and hear, and know of these things..."

There's more to that scripture, but for the sake of conciseness (yeah, I make words up) I limited it to that.

So first he listened to his father's words. Not just generally, but he made sure that he listened to all of his father's words. For me, that word all adds huge meaning to this scripture. He didn't just listen at 50% and have curiosity for more, he studied his father's words. He absorbed them. He searched them for meaning, both on the surface and at depth. Then, he not only wanted to duplicate what his father had seen, he wanted that and more. He didn't just want to see, he wanted to see, and hear, and know. He wanted his spiritual eyes, ears, and brain fed. And he knew he could do it via the gift of the Holy Ghost. Then he told us we can all receive that gift if we diligently seek him.

Faith is awesome, and we can grow when we use it properly. But when we choose to grow on certain occasions beyond faith? That's when miracles happen.  That's when our spiritual stature not only grows and evolves, but jumps.

May we choose to rely on the Lord, and find our own personal greatness in the process. It's what the Lord wants for us, because he Loves us.