Enjoying what we're willing to receive

It's been a beautiful run through the index as relates to gifts of the spirit. I can't say how much it fills me, and how passionate I am about the subject. I also know that there are approximately 1 billion other subjects that also can be researched in the same way. What I thought was going to be boring and studious turned out to fill my soul in a way I did not know was possible.

So here we are at the last blog post for this project set. The scripture reference for today is Doctrine and Covenants 88: 32. This is something I've alluded to, but as always this scripture touches corners that had not been considered before. "...to enjoy that which they are willing to receive, because they were not willing to enjoy that which they might have received."

So here we all are, saying that we wish God would just dump gifts on us like a Costa Rica rain storm. "Send it to me, dogs and cats" we might say - "I'm ready". But the reality is that we're not ready. And in fact, the Lord has already given us what we're ready for. He did it at the moment we were ready for it. We're not ready, waiting for him - it's the other way around.

So now I look at myself. I have a set of gifts that I cannot possibly compare to the gifts of others. First of all, I don't know their gifts, second, I don't know them. Third, I don't even know mine really - even though I'm trying hard to get a better inclination of what they may be. Why don't I have bigger/better/more/more obvious/more awesome gifts than I have? I say this not to depreciate the gifts I have, but as a matter of acknowledgement that where ever I am, there is more.

The thought occurs to me "Yeah! I'll do whatever it takes", but will I? What if whatever it takes means being a better home teacher? What if it means trying harder to serve my children and grandchildren? Tithing? What if it means that I should work harder at being a better teacher, getting to church on time, or getting to church in an emotional state where I'm ready to grow? What if it means really starting my day with the scriptures? What if it means not hammering that guy that really, truly needs to be hammered? Yeah - that happened yesterday. I worked him over really well, and it didn't help me feel one bit better. I probably hammered my own soul as well as I hammered his.

What if it means doing the right thing with the right attitude, and not just doing the right thing and making sure someone is watching? Worst of all for me, what if it means finding a way to love someone who, and this is quite personal for me today, watches church meetings so they can find something to criticize about it on facebook?

I'd so much rather shun those people - ban them and their personal poison from my life. Protect myself from their black aura by not approaching it, not mixing with it. But that's not the commandment: I have to love them.

Yeah, that's hard. And I must work through these kinds of things to progress. Did I mention that it's hard though?

There is more for my soul when I am ready to receive it. May we all look at our lives, and ask what we are preventing the Lord from giving us. Maybe we yearn for greater love, for gifts of wisdom or knowledge, for greater spiritual power.

He's waiting.