I am a man

So today begins the first day of posting after my gifts of the spirit run. I gotta say I really feel lifted from that study. Who would have thought (not me) that index based study could be so uplifting? I'd expected it to be more like studying a dictionary. Yeah - no.

So before I begin my next subject, I thought I'd go back to picking a random chapter, as guided by those on the other side who are committed to helping me grow. I landed in Alma chapter 18.

I have to preface this by saying that I've been concerned about the way I approach this blog in the future. In the past it's just been little old me writing stuff that I see and feel, knowing that nobody would read it. This last week, I told my bishop about it, and shared it with about four friends who I thought might appreciate my thoughts. I know, however, that some day or year there will be many - perhaps even 10 people or less - who might read this. My concern is that if I get lots of readers and I'm still writing, will I change my writing because I know it's being read? I'm concerned about that. Don't want that to happen. It needs to be unfiltered.

And what if I get thousands of readers? Will I let that go to my head? Will I think I'm awesome and lose my gifts because I'm thinking that any gift I used to create things was mine? Will it become something that being acknowledged causes me to very mistakenly believe that I'm better than? These are all fears that I have wrestled with in the last few days.

So I land on Alma, chapter 18. Now here's Ammon, who has done something truly awesome. It's much better than a successful blog. He has committed himself to service of the Lord, and combined that service with preparation. This sets him up to defend the king's flocks and make a hero of himself. He took the job nobody wanted - shepherd for the king - and set himself up to be killed for failure to defend the flocks. Others might have seen that as setting himself up for failure and a sure path to a meaningless death. He knew that service and faith would be his pathway to success. So - he defends the flocks, kills a number of attackers, cuts off a number of arms, and generally makes himself a biblical class hero. Here is a guy with something to be proud of. A manly man. A guy that the king knows even an army can't touch. An American Samson. A man like David, but perhaps greater in my mind, because David used his feat to become king. Ammon rejected being king so he could do missionary work.

In any case, it's an interesting comparison.

So here's a guy with something to brag about. Some real proof that he's awesome. A reason to swagger. What does he do? He waits for the king's next order. He defended the king's herds. Check. What's next?

What makes a man that is so humble that he can accomplish greatness and not get caught up in his own awesomeness? How did he separate the fact that what he did was simply God's gifts developed, and God's blessings for him doing what was expected?

Perhaps because he'd been doing that for longer than just this day. He had asked his Father what to do next, and then did it. There is no choir of angels that happens when we do what God asks, yet Ammon was so used to doing the right thing for the right reason, that he might not have expected much from this earthly king. Been there, done that. What do I need to do next?

This is my road map. If there is perceived greatness in my future, for whatever reason, I must take the Lord's guidance as displayed by Ammon. If there are millions of dollars and fame, it's what the Lord has given me so I can accomplish the next thing. If there is not, that's what the Lord has given me so I can accomplish the next thing. Ammon achieved greatness because for Ammon, it was never about Ammon. I am now committed to the same.