Holding it

So I try to be open to guidance, however it comes. I have found that it can come in various ways, but the guidance I take today is from seeing repetition. It goes like this: I've been feeling like a big slacker because my number of posts dropped considerably in the last few months - from about 8ish to 1 or 2. I write these so that somebody somewhere might benefit from them, and I wonder if my slacking hurts my own soul and fails to benefit others as I intended.

So with my slacker-ness in mind, I spoke up in sunday school the other day. The subject was the old testament, 2 Kings chapter 2. In there twice, Elisha was told to hold his peace when his friend, mentor, and prophet was taken from the earth.

It happened twice. This is one of those things where sometimes you get it once, and you have to notice it to see the golden nugget. When it happens more than once, it seems to me that the Lord is trying to send a clear message: notice this phrase! And the phrase was to hold your peace, even when Elijah, one of the greatest prophets ever, was taken from your side.

Then I start reading today where the Doctrine and Covenants was open, and I start at verse 22. What do I notice right up front? "Hold your peace". OK, I get it. Someone is trying to tell me something. I also found it a few verses earlier as I kept reading. Twice, twice.

I am no expert on what "hold your peace" means fully, but I can stab around the edges. It probably means that Elisha didn't fall down, stay on the ground, and mourn Elijah's loss as the reason for his being a wreck for the rest of his life. It might have meant that he felt authorized to feel grateful for Elijah's life, service, and greatness. It could have meant that he chose to feel honored for the time spent with this great man. What is peace? It comes from the Lord. It's an inner thing. Was Elijah's loss a loss to Elisha? Of course, but the Lord knew why and when he was taking Elijah home, and it seems a bit faithless if Elisha were to have mourned and wasted his life, knowing that what happened was the will of his God.

So perhaps for Elisha, holding your peace at Elijah's "death" may result in some loss. It could also mean greater power and depth, greater stature, and a preparation to fulfill his own calling and purpose. It could mean that Elisha's time had come. He could spend it mourning and complaining and wishing, or he could now step into his full greatness.

I'm not saying it's not OK to feel bad at someone's death, not at all. For me, it's not even about death. It's about moaning and mourning excessively when something "bad" happens. Elijah's passing was the will of God. Sometimes our losing a job, or having someone get a disease, or being put in a wheelchair might be a gift from on high. It seems bad to us, but it's the Lord's plan, and that makes it perfect. I know people, including myself, who have had these "bad" things happen, only to acknowledge later that it was exactly what needed to happen at the time. The consequences of the "bad" event immeasurably benefited me and others I know.

I find it interesting that internet definitions of "hold your peace" means to bind your tongue when you want to scream. That seems to me to be about a nickel's worth of the meaning. It's not about bottling up, it's not about restraining the bonfire inside. If there's a bonfire anywhere, whether I think it's showing or not, then there is no peace. You can't hold your peace if there isn't any. You're just holding a fire.

Instead, when things go badly, holding your peace to me means that inside your soul, you don't internalize. You keep the peace that has been in your soul right there, your soul is filled with peace, and nothing gets to replace it. Of course there are fires, but they are not fires within. I try to deal with my fires from a place of peace within my soul, but they are fires outside my soul - not in.

Not to say that this is actually what I do - but it is the goal.

Life gets easier when we can be a lighthouse, when our soul is filled with light - and peace. Then we can reflect it properly. Dark spots and inner conflict prevent a lighthouse from being functional, and to extend the analogy a bit further, I'm thinking that a conflicted, unpeaceful, unlit lighthouse is just a pile of rocks. The cost of allowing the un-peace in is too great. It can't happen if we are to fill our purpose and calling.

May we fill our souls with peace. May we let in the light and make it ours. Darkness can be dealt with, but it doesn't come in. Instead, it can be served. It can be shown a light. May we keep our peace, and our light, so that it is always ready to be reflected, but never displaced within our souls.

At least that's how I feel about it. Thanks for the read - I hope it benefits you.