Well, that's different

It's hard to keep up a good habit. When you're coasting along life, doing nothing to stand out, I would imagine you probably minimize the criticism you receive. By contrast, when you reach, when you lift your eyes from the bottom of the pail, there may be those who want to remind you that the bucket is all there is, and it's wrong for anyone to consider anything otherwise.

Bucking the trend is hard. People ask you why you think you're different or better than. The fact is that we're all different and better than, and it's up to all of us to find out what variety of different we are. Yes, we are all better than in some category - we all have gifts that make us different/better than in some category. It's not reason for pride, it's a responsibility. We are expected to use our gifts and skills to climb out of the bucket, and then help others.

So today I'll differ with myself. Up until today, this has been about reading scriptures, and then writing about what I learned. There are no pre-set rules that bind me to that. I can consider, use the gifts I have, receive guidance from the eternal, and write about that. I guess it may not be about where I start, but how I am guided, and to where.

So I'm looking at notes I took while at the feet of a friend and guru, we'll call him Nathan. This is a sub-sub section of training about teaching, listening and responding. My notes have a heading of Connection when working with someone I'm trying to listen to. 

So here's the scenario - one we've all seen before. The angry teenager, spouse, boss, or co worker. The difficult church member. The arguing client. Angry and/or difficult people are anywhere. They are impossible to avoid.

So. Connection. There are three parts to that - connection to them, connection to me, and connection to God. Nathan didn't elaborate on that, that's up to me for now. 

Let's say I have an angry client. I do home inspections, so let's say I miss something. Let's say the roof leaked the day they moved in, and let's say that I didn't warn them about it.

So first, building a connection with them? I probably had their trust in the beginning, and then lost it all when the roof leaked on their twin babies. How does one restore that connection? How does one even get a part of it back? I can't just throw in the towel because these people are angry. From their point of view, they have every right to be angry. They paid me to advise them on the roof, the roof leaked, and their babies got soaked. They think they're correct, and to them, they are. 

Everyone thinks they're right. Nobody has ever walked up to anyone and said, "you know, I realize I'm wrong about this, but here's what I think". 

So. Are they right? do you only have to try to connect with them when they're right? Nope. Their correctness or lack of it is irrelevant. My correctness or lack of it is irrelevant. This is a time for connection, not correctness.

That in mind, a listening ear may be huge. To thoroughly and completely understand what they believe the facts to be. To feel their frustration. To learn that one of their babies has an allergy to being wet. To feel their fear and frustrations To try to feel their pain as deeply and in as much detail as they feel it.

That's hard. I am horrible at that. 

Then, connection with myself. I have to know who I am and what I represent. If their roof leaked, and I'm at fault, will I automatically use words and actions that protect my bank account, or my soul? Which is more important to me? Being in contact with my soul isn't something I can just do in 5 minutes, like I would try to do with a client. Aligning myself with my eternal side takes a lifetime to do, and even then I'd guess that without great personal effort, it will never happen. And if/when it happens to some degree? That would be a gift from above. Big. Huge. Kind of like that scene in "Pretty Woman". 

And then the third category: aligning myself with God. I guess it's fair to say that if I've aligned with myself, I'm well along the path of aligning myself with God. Still, there may be some difference.

Let's say that "Me, Inc" has decided that my brand will be known for extraordinary customer service. Would a company with that brand do more than listen and build connection? Would it go back out? Would it do everything in its power? Obviously, a home inspection company would go broke in no time flat if it paid out resolution money for everything it missed - everyone misses something every time, no matter how experienced, detailed and thorough you are. So it's not about writing checks. It's about being exceptional. 

And from the Lord's perspective? Connection with God helps me to see that client as God sees them. He may not share with me their concerns about their mother's dementia, or their concerns about their baby's possible deafness, or their own fears of losing a job, or their fears about the spouse leaving, or their fears about having to speak or sing. He may not share those details with me, but he may share with me how much he loves them. I can get that when I am sufficiently aligned with God.

All three of these are hard. Mucho super hard. To connect with everyone, whether they are happy with you or not. That one by itself is a superhuman feat, and only God can help us do that with more people. That would be an awesome gift. 

To connect with ourselves. To really know who we are, and to be committed to living our principles, even when it's really hard. To know what honesty and integrity mean, and to live that way even when we want to skip it for a minute.

To connect with God. Few things are more awesome than that. Again, this will be a matter of line upon line, and a million steps or grades, but to know our Savior? To look forward to the day when we meet him at the judgment bar? To yearn for the time when I can embrace him? To make this life a chunk of heaven, because we have access to his presence, just like I hope to have after I die? 

If heaven means living in God's presence, there's no reason that can't happen now. As I've written before in this blog, he's waiting for us. Not the other way around. 

May we connect. With others, with ourselves, and with our God. It sounds like that would be pretty awesome.

Holding it

So I try to be open to guidance, however it comes. I have found that it can come in various ways, but the guidance I take today is from seeing repetition. It goes like this: I've been feeling like a big slacker because my number of posts dropped considerably in the last few months - from about 8ish to 1 or 2. I write these so that somebody somewhere might benefit from them, and I wonder if my slacking hurts my own soul and fails to benefit others as I intended.

So with my slacker-ness in mind, I spoke up in sunday school the other day. The subject was the old testament, 2 Kings chapter 2. In there twice, Elisha was told to hold his peace when his friend, mentor, and prophet was taken from the earth.

It happened twice. This is one of those things where sometimes you get it once, and you have to notice it to see the golden nugget. When it happens more than once, it seems to me that the Lord is trying to send a clear message: notice this phrase! And the phrase was to hold your peace, even when Elijah, one of the greatest prophets ever, was taken from your side.

Then I start reading today where the Doctrine and Covenants was open, and I start at verse 22. What do I notice right up front? "Hold your peace". OK, I get it. Someone is trying to tell me something. I also found it a few verses earlier as I kept reading. Twice, twice.

I am no expert on what "hold your peace" means fully, but I can stab around the edges. It probably means that Elisha didn't fall down, stay on the ground, and mourn Elijah's loss as the reason for his being a wreck for the rest of his life. It might have meant that he felt authorized to feel grateful for Elijah's life, service, and greatness. It could have meant that he chose to feel honored for the time spent with this great man. What is peace? It comes from the Lord. It's an inner thing. Was Elijah's loss a loss to Elisha? Of course, but the Lord knew why and when he was taking Elijah home, and it seems a bit faithless if Elisha were to have mourned and wasted his life, knowing that what happened was the will of his God.

So perhaps for Elisha, holding your peace at Elijah's "death" may result in some loss. It could also mean greater power and depth, greater stature, and a preparation to fulfill his own calling and purpose. It could mean that Elisha's time had come. He could spend it mourning and complaining and wishing, or he could now step into his full greatness.

I'm not saying it's not OK to feel bad at someone's death, not at all. For me, it's not even about death. It's about moaning and mourning excessively when something "bad" happens. Elijah's passing was the will of God. Sometimes our losing a job, or having someone get a disease, or being put in a wheelchair might be a gift from on high. It seems bad to us, but it's the Lord's plan, and that makes it perfect. I know people, including myself, who have had these "bad" things happen, only to acknowledge later that it was exactly what needed to happen at the time. The consequences of the "bad" event immeasurably benefited me and others I know.

I find it interesting that internet definitions of "hold your peace" means to bind your tongue when you want to scream. That seems to me to be about a nickel's worth of the meaning. It's not about bottling up, it's not about restraining the bonfire inside. If there's a bonfire anywhere, whether I think it's showing or not, then there is no peace. You can't hold your peace if there isn't any. You're just holding a fire.

Instead, when things go badly, holding your peace to me means that inside your soul, you don't internalize. You keep the peace that has been in your soul right there, your soul is filled with peace, and nothing gets to replace it. Of course there are fires, but they are not fires within. I try to deal with my fires from a place of peace within my soul, but they are fires outside my soul - not in.

Not to say that this is actually what I do - but it is the goal.

Life gets easier when we can be a lighthouse, when our soul is filled with light - and peace. Then we can reflect it properly. Dark spots and inner conflict prevent a lighthouse from being functional, and to extend the analogy a bit further, I'm thinking that a conflicted, unpeaceful, unlit lighthouse is just a pile of rocks. The cost of allowing the un-peace in is too great. It can't happen if we are to fill our purpose and calling.

May we fill our souls with peace. May we let in the light and make it ours. Darkness can be dealt with, but it doesn't come in. Instead, it can be served. It can be shown a light. May we keep our peace, and our light, so that it is always ready to be reflected, but never displaced within our souls.

At least that's how I feel about it. Thanks for the read - I hope it benefits you.

How to be gifted

We've all seen those people - the gifted ones. The ones who can do everything well. The ones who can do six things so well, that we'd give our right arm to do any one of things like that.

For me, in college it was Dave Jorgensen. The dude was smart. This was very important to a bunch of college kids struggling through the civil engineering program with me. This was a guy who was so smart, he could have class discussions explained to him by another one of my friends who went to class, then they would both go take the test, and Dave would do better than the friend who explained everything to him. Yeah. Annoyingly smart!

He was athletic. He could play racquetball so much better than any of the rest of my crowd. It seemed that the race was always to second place, because we figured out very quickly that Dave was unbeatable.

He had the face. He had the muscles. He got the girls. For me, I learned that school was a very basic existence: you lived your life hoping for grades and dates. That's it. Most of the time, I didn't feel like I could even reach that bar. Dave did it without even breathing hard.

He had no guile. He was spiritual, and was developing his relationship with the Savior well at that young age. I have no doubt that in the decades since I knew him, he has been in many leadership positions. It was impossible not to love the guy.

How does one guy get so many of the gifts? Why is there no even distribution of gifts?

If you've read many of my previous blogs, you know I'm about gifts. I've come to realize that everything is a gift. Even right now, on my desk there is a stinky set of orthotics for my shoes (unsanitary, right?), a couple of pens, a solo cup that used to contain this morning's green shake breakfast, a bill, a bottle of lavender, and my scriptures. I've come to learn that they are all gifts - except perhaps the bill. I suppose that it represents a gift.

So when you're not Dave - what then? When your belly pops out further than your toes, and you can almost get off the ground when you jump. When you lack charisma and sometimes wonder if you're invisible. When your family isn't as close as you wish it were. When you feel spiritually stagnant, and can see that you're definitely older than five years ago. What about us then? Are we still relevant? Does God still remember us? Are we still relevant to him?

I ran across Doctrine & Covenants 11 today. The Lord answered my question. Now, as a forewarning, I see things through the lens of gifts from Father. Here's what I saw.

5: Therefore, if you will ask of me you shall receive
8: Verily, verily, I say unto you, even as you desire of it so it shall be done unto you; and if you desire, you shall be the means of doing much good in this generation
10: Behold, thou hast a gift, or thou shalt have a gift if thou wilt desire of me in faith; with an honest heart, believing in the power of Jesus Christ, or in my power which speaketh unto thee
14: And then shall ye know, or by this shall you know, all things whatsoever you desire of me, which are pertaining unto things of righteousness, in faith believing in me that you shall receive.

There's the answer! True to the usual methods I've learned about from the Lord, it's a very short recipe. Here it is: if you really want it, the Lord will give it to you. That simple.

We could go deeper and dig into what it means to really want it, but I'll leave that to you. I don't want to pollute the message. How to be gifted? Ask for gifts from the Lord.

Gifts are also responsibilities. As I've mentioned before, if I give my grandson a toy truck, I hope that he will play with it - not bury it in the back yard. What I give him next depends to a great extent on what he does with the toy truck.

One last story. I joined the church choir a few months ago. Bear in mind that this is not because I have any singing gifts - it's because I'm fascinated with music. I can't read notes, and am just learning my range. I had never sung in public before, and still can't bring myself to sing privately if anyone else is in the house.

I sang for the ward in the choir yesterday - I knew I was behind, and I didn't know the song. I knew the only way I wouldn't be embarrassed with my results was to plead with the Lord - to ask him to get me further down the path with those songs than I was. I'm very grateful to have received that gift.

He's not holding back on gifts we want: we are. We are holding back on ourselves. May we allow ourselves to be more gifted as we move forward. He's waiting to help us.

Fasting ain't fast at all

So I'm reading along and found Doctrine and Covenants 59. I felt that there was something in there, but the gem eluded me. What is it on that chunk of the page that I was missing? Where was the gem that I kept passing? I wasn't seeing it.

The chapter talks about fasting, and what the blessings are. It talks about the gifts of the earth, and how we're called to appreciate them and use them well. 

This can't be the gem. When I was little, I used to loathe fast sunday because, well, I'd starve. There was one day when as a teenager, I couldn't make it. I (on sunday) drove to the local McDonalds. I had to get something in my gut! I felt bad breaking my fast, but it was worth it I thought. I felt bad doing it on a Sunday, because we're not supposed to make others work on a Sunday. All that said, I was starving! So I pull up the local McD, and go in for a small burger. I don't remember if I ordered the small burger to minimize the purchase, or because a small burger was all I could afford, but I think it was probably a bit of conscience. If I contribute minimally to the profit margin, that's less motivation for the business to stay open on Sunday, right? 

It was logic that worked for me at the time.

So that's me. That's my background. Fasting is painful. It's denial of what you want. It's starving so you can prove to yourself that you can. There's an element of spirit over body, but mostly it's always felt like, well, like "ugh". 

And now back to the current day. Doctrine and Covenants 59:14. "Verily, this is fasting and prayer, or in other words, rejoicing and prayer". 

Now sometimes the Lord hides key words in deep corners, and you have to search for the key meanings. He allows you to search deep in the caverns, and hands you those golden eggs when you hunt far enough to find them. At those times, both the golden egg and the successful hunt become very rewarding.

This is not really one of those times.

The Lord very clearly substituted fasting for rejoicing. What? How? I don't get it! I don't rejoice when I fast - I usually starve. Whatever the Lord meant, that message doesn't click with me. Unless it's meant to. Unless that's why I was drawn to this part of the page in this chapter. 

Why would rejoicing and fasting be the same? Because we remind ourselves that it doesn't all just come naturally because we're breathing? To remind ourselves that those things we eat, wear, or use are blessings from our Father? That egg, or piece of toast isn't just something we mindlessly eat because it's there, and it fills the gut while we're doing something else - it's a gift. It originates from mother earth, which originates from our God. 

It's a time to appreciate not only the bowl of cereal, but our clothing, the wood on the floor we're standing on, the roof above our heads. The water we can drink, even that light bulb! How many gifts of God does that light bulb represent? The glass, the filament, the power, the technology, the list could go on. Those small things we forget? Those are gifts to us, and there is reason to celebrate them.

So if I'm understanding that my bowl of cheerios is a gift, and that I'm surrounded by other gifts, and I can see them now because I'm not taking one of them for granted (for a day at least), then I'm grateful. And if I'm grateful for each of the 1000+ gifts around me in any given room? I guess that's rejoicing.

May we all rejoice in the "small" gifts that surround us. May we defeat the body with our spirit. May we not just survive that day, but grow our spirits and our gratitude in the same way that a mushroom cloud expands. These are gifts our Father can provide - but only if we allow Him to provide them.

Must be fulfilled

So I just finished a trip down to Marysvale with a bunch of friends. I knew them generally as good people with good vibes before, but now I could call them very good friends - people I could share my weaknesses with. Part of the trip was about traversing God's gift to us as we wheeled through the deserts and mountains, and part of it was getting to know each other better. Both parts were really awesome.

One of my new friends, as it turns out, is an escapee from Siberia and Russia. He, his dad, and the rest of his family were slated to be taken from Siberia to a labor camp in Siberia. As if Siberia wasn't bad enough - but I can't go into those stories here. Let's just say that day to day survival was iffy in "normal" Siberia.

So he gets a fair warning and escaped Russia through a set of miracles. Then he's living in Israel, but can't get citizenship because he has christian beliefs. He can't work, and he can't eat. At this point, he receives guidance from God to leave, using a path that clearly won't work. He's going to get on to a plane without the right papers. He doesn't have a visa or passport because he's not a citizen of anywhere. Can you travel internationally without those papers? No. He knows that, his dad knows that - everybody knows that. But he buys the tickets anyway. Why? Because he was told by his God to do so.

Fast forward past a few more miracles and he's in Canada, now an illegal immigrant - and without papers. Fast forward some more, and add another miracle or two, and now he's a Canadian citizen.

Nephi did that too. In Chapter 17 verse 3, "And thus we see that the commandments of God must be fulfilled. And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did provide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness"

Nephi was asked to do the impossible as well. Drop your life in Jerusalem, and go out to the desert where there was no food, no water, nothing except bad guys waiting to take your stuff and then kill you. Does that sound like a good idea? Maybe if you're suicidal, but it was a commandment of God. Rather than reason it out and decide it was a bad idea, Nephi and his family did what they were told to do.

It was far from easy. The Lord didn't make it easy at all, but he made them able. It turned out pretty well for them. For more information on that story, check out the entire Book of Mormon.

So now I'm looking for the difference between Nephi, my buddy Arthur, and the rest of us. We don't get guidance from God, right? Why them and not us?

Actually if I went down that road, this post might turn into its own book. To avoid that, I'll fast forward a bit and try to hit the highlights I see.

First, we must not block divine messages. A part of this probably involves keeping my soul clean enough that the message can get through. Sin, drugs, anger, and bad habits can cloud our spirit, and make it more difficult for the message to get through. I won't begin to guess as to how much of a negative shield we can build up before the message can't get through - that's up to God. I can only presume that the fewer shields we put up, the more the we allow the Lord's messages to get through.

Second, one must be looking for guidance from God. He must know that I will receive his guidance and act on it - I've discussed this in many other blogs.

Third, I have to act on it. It's super likely that I won't be shown all steps I need to take - just the next one. It doesn't matter that I'm asked to step into a pit of snakes and to stand there and wait for further instructions - if that's the instructions, that's what I need to do.

The last thing that comes to mind is also vital. How do you know when something is guidance from deity, or when it's just a random thought? This comes from practice and obedience, from faith and action. How did Abraham really know that the commandment to take his son into the middle of nowhere and kill him was a commandment? He knew. He had practiced following the word of God. He knew what the Lord's voice sounded like, and he was willing to bet his son's life on it. That's called certainty.

How do you get there? I'm thinking we follow steps 1 though 3 over and over. Thousands of times. Tens of thousands of times. We learn his voice, we request his voice, and we follow that voice. We communicate with God, we emulate Him, we try to become more like him. As we enlarge the pipeline with Him, we know his voice, and we hear it more often. The Lord's trust in our willingness to obey grows, and our willingness to follow grows. Then we can become greater disciples of Christ.

I'm sure there's more to the subject, but that's as far as I can go today. It's as far as the Lord can take me with the subject I guess. May we all seek for these gifts.

Lesson 14: Ye shall be a peculiar treasure

Lesson 14 this week is, to me, a lesson about all of us as followers. It's about strengthening ourselves as followers, so that our leaders can be strengthened to lead properly.

Many of us have felt that moment: you get asked to do something that you know is way over your head. Maybe it's nursery leader, maybe it's young women's president. Maybe it's the bishopric. You don't feel ready. You feel inadequate and undersized. You know you, and you know your inadequacies. You know your sins and weaknesses - certainly someone else has a better resume than you. Right? But you also understand that the person providing the call to you is a representative of the Lord.

Yes, you're inadequate for that job or calling. Of course you are. That's fine though - the Lord makes up the difference if we'll let him.

credit: teachingthem.com

The same is true of Moses. One of the greatest prophets ever, was he inadequate for the job? Absolutely, and the Lord knew that, was fine with that, and worked with that. A passage in Exodus 17:8-13 describes how two men, who we could think of perhaps as counselors, or perhaps simply as members of the church, helped Moses do what Moses couldn't by himself. He had a staff to hold up, and as long as it was up, Moses' fighting men prevailed. The problem is that no man can hold that up all day long - it's humanly impossible, even for a legend like Moses. But if he lowered it, his men would die and his army began to lose the battle. It had to be up.

The answer? Get two strong men around Moses to help him lift. They didn't and couldn't take Moses' burden from him, but they helped him lift.

This goes me back to moments in my life when I heard someone say that the bishop was not up to the job, or that someone else was doing it wrong. Was the complainer right? Technically yes, perhaps. But they were so wrong. You make a leader strong not by complaining about his inability to carry the staff, but by lifting him or her, and easing their load. Love and service, not griping and complaining.

The Israelites did this at another time as well. Moses had just gotten them through the red sea. Is this enough to have them revere him as a man of God and treasured leader forever? Nope. Was it enough that the Lord fed them for free? Nope. Manna, quail and water weren't enough. They apparently wanted pizza. Can't the Lord that makes manna happen send down pizza occasionally? And on Saturdays, can't we get maybe some nice sushi? If it's all the same to the Lord, we're bored of manna! Oh - and if it's pizza, not Little Caesar's. We want pizza hut.

But Moses and the Lord wouldn't do that. This kind of reminds me of people following Christ, not because they recognized him as the Savior of their soul, but because he came with free food. And when the free food stops being tasty enough, our gratitude for it wanes, and we demand more.

This reminds me of politics. We as a human race haven't changed that much. We're a bunch of takers - still.

So now, without pizza on the menu, the Israelites start complaining about Moses. You can imagine the signs and posters: "Where's the beef?!", "No pizza, no respect!", "No sushi, no sunday!"

credit: wikimedia

The Lord called them a peculiar treasure. They are peculiar all right. Treasure? Only the Lord can see that. I just see demanding and annoying. I guess I don't have the Lord's viewpoint. It's good he loves them. I'm sure I annoy him as well - often.

This of course isn't a reflection on Moses - he is what he is. It's a reflection on those who call themselves God's chosen people. They prove their lesser-ness. They add to the weight their leader must carry.

If our leaders are imperfect, if they are flagging, it's time to step in. Not to complain, but to love, lift, and serve. We can't take their calling from them, but we can lovingly assist. In this way, we can build ourselves so that our own load is easier to carry.

We can be a lighthouse, not only to those who are less than in some way, but to everyone. To those who have bigger callings and heavier loads, we can also reflect God's light. May we do so.

Which is the better motivator? Darkness or light?

I met a person on the internet a few years ago - an accident had put this physically healthy individual in a wheelchair. As far as I could tell, it would be his condition for life. To say he was angry would be an understatement. He was somewhere south of bitter. He blamed god, and vented his anger about his condition to anyone and everyone. As a random stranger to him, I got an earful from him as well. It had been, if I remember correctly, a couple of years since the accident.

credit: favim.com

I remember reading a book where the author was a scientist, again this was a number of years ago. He described his philosophy that life for human kind was intended to be barely tolerable. Not good by any means, but tolerable enough to just barely stay above the suicide line. He believed that his philosophy was science, and that his viewpoint on life was similar to that of all humanity.

The anger and despair these people feel, and so many others like them, is normal to them. It is justifiable to them, based on "facts" that these individuals choose to see, but life doesn't have to be that way. We can choose the life that we live, at least in terms of what matters most.

So I'm following along in my study of light. This time in 3 Nephi 10. Previously, you had the Nephites that were evil in nature at the time. They were waiting for the day/night/day miracle. Other signs that had been prophesied of happened, but they pinned their hopes on one: the day/night/day thing. "If that doesn't happen" they said "then it's all false and we'll kill the believers". All in on one thing - or so they said. Then the day/night/day thing happened. Did they turn into believers on the spot? Of course not - that would mess with their chosen belief set and lifestyle. So they decided it was trickery or whatever, and kept being who they had always been.

The miracles didn't inspire them. The miracle they said they were looking for happened - no change. What would it take? What does the Lord have to do to turn them (or us) around?

So then He tried darkness. The opposite of the day/night/day thing happened. Darkness for 3 days. No lights. No candles, no torches. Darkness. My claustrophobia would have turned me into a melted mess on the ground. It alone might have killed me.

The scene included mists of darkness, earthquakes, heavy weather, landslides, etc. Numerous large cities were burned, sunk or buried. It seems that the Lord got creative in different ways to destroy so much of this evil civilization. All of this sounds thoroughly unpleasant to me, but honestly, I'd perhaps rather be buried or sunk rather than endure 3 days surrounded by dark nothingness. Frightening.

Did this result in positive changes? Yep. It did help, I'm sure, that much of the evil population was exterminated. Funny what having your evil neighbor turned into toast can do to your own motivations.

Christ ended the 3 day event when his voice became clear to all. For whatever crazy reason, the people listened this time. And then they became one of the happiest, most righteous people ever to populate the earth.

So the day/night/day event, which was a miracle, and which was an undeniable testimony of Christ's light did nothing. But darkness, tempest, death and destruction turned out to be quite a motivator. Good thing that doesn't happen to us in these days - we always turn toward the light when we are invited toward it - right?

The Lord would rather guide us into and through his light than send us the darkness. But I believe that the bottom line is that sometimes love and light don't do the trick - and the Lord must send darkness to teach us what we need to know. Of course, darkness doesn't mean that we're doing things wrong, but it might mean that perhaps is we study the darkness, and learn from it what we can, that we can re-enter the light.

I believe that the first rule in being our parent is that the Lord loves us. Because this is the case, he will do whatever is necessary to teach us, to move us forward, to help us improve. Our negative choices move us toward darkness - that's not the Lord's fault, it's ours. Our lack of choosing light also may tie the Lord's hands. May we choose Light.

Miracles aren't enough

Have you ever been in that bible bash with someone of another religion, where you feel like you pull out that perfect scriptural reference, where use your life experiences and your knowledge of God to put things together as perfectly as possible? Where you testify what you have learned by the power of the spirit and it was poetically beautiful? Where you feel like you've done the very best you can, with help from the other side. Yeah - that moment. And you look at the person you're trying to teach/help/bash with, and you see they gained nothing from it.

credit: ZME Science

They were waiting for you to finish talking, so they could continue the argument. The best you can hope for is to do so well on a subject that they change the subject to one that they believe they can more successfully argue against you. The worst case - well, the worst case probably results in you understanding that you have cast your pearls before swine. You've given up the pearls, the swine are not benefitted, and now you and the pearls are covered in manure. All you have done is get dirty.

I've felt like that before. I realize that after one of these sessions, not only do I feel like I need to take a shower from the angry emotions I feel, but also I need to check my own intellect: why would a person willingly waddle into a swamp to mud wrestle with a pig? You just know you're going to get dirty, and the pig will enjoy it. Why do we do that? It's not love - not if we know what the outcome will be. I think it's pride.

Self reliance is self failure. Not relying on the Lord - and following his counsel - is pretty much always failure. Guaranteed. We're not perfect individuals, so our best laid plans are imperfect, and will be imperfectly executed.

But what if during that bible bash moment I was able to do something really super awesome? Call down an angel! Or get a meteor to smash right behind his head while he's making a point? Then he'd get it, right?

So here I am, reading in 3 Nephi. The Nephites were pretty much all wicked at this point, and it took Samuel the Lamanite to call them all to repentance. He had authorization to prophesy a variety of "signs and wonders", the greatest of which was a day, night and day with no darkness. Five years from now, he says. So the signs and wonders happen. Does this fix the Nephites? Nope. They get used to them. "It wasn't the day/night/day thing, so it doesn't count" is their response. The day comes when 5 years is up. Signs and wonders? Check. Day/night/day? Not check. They decide to put all the believers to death on the 5 years and 1 day mark. It's the only sign that they're going to count.

Then the moment happens. Night is day. Does this convert them? A few - for a while, but no. If conversion is a dedication to turn our hearts and souls to him, it was a waste of miracles. Did it help the believers? What was the benefit of all those signs, wonders and miracles? Only the Lord has that answer. Was it worth it? God did it, and he has that answer too. It's not mine to attempt to answer that question. He is the only perfect judge.

The light that I do gather from this story though, is that of light. On the night of Christ's birth in Jerusalem, he chose to signal his birth using light. This goes me back to him referring himself to being light. "I am the light of the world". The bright night indicates that light has come to earth, that darkness is at the mercy of light, and that the great Light of the universe controls everything.

Back to the evil folk: did they turn from their evil and become saints? Nope, not even after the one event that they placed all their bets on. This reinforces to me that as a human race, we are not really looking for truth. We're instead looking for confirmation that what we're doing is OK. That's the general rule for humanity. Disciples of God need to change that.

So if miracles don't turn us toward the light, what does? God poured a pile of miracles on the Nephites. As the eternal and perfect judge, he poured enough on them to be more than clear, without doing more than was adequate - any more than what should have been enough would probably just result in further condemnation to the unwilling receiver.

But what turns us toward the light? We do. God does. It's not the meteor that hits the bible bash partner that turns him, it's not our super awesome debate skills. It's not our superior intellect, or our knowledge and memory of just the right scriptures. It's also not about the lack thereof. Instead of memorizing bible bash scriptures, perhaps some of that time can be spent strengthening our soul, so we can more effectively invite others toward Christ. To be the light reflected - the lighthouse - and to make sure our own gaze and hope is not directed toward more knowledge, more ego, more skills, but more reliance on Christ.

I believe that all gifts we have are to be found, cultivated, grown, harvested and shared abundantly. The ability to communicate (what I call the gift of Aaron) and knowledge are beautiful. Like all gifts, they should be developed lest we find ourselves on judgment day, and be found to have hidden our gifts. That said, those gifts are means to serve. Not the end. May we all look to Christ. Everything else will fail.

Lesson 13: Bondage, passover and exodus

It's one of those parts of being human: we look around ourselves and see the greatness in others. That friend is so much smarter than me. This friend seems to always have such great confidence that he can manage pretty much anything. This friend has such great spiritual power. This one has such a great relationship with his wife and kids. That would be paradise. If only I could have a sliver of what they have, I might be able to manage - but I don't. Life is hard.

credit: www.finearttips.com

Yet, at the same time and surely completely unknown to us, those same friends look at us and have similar longings. Maybe they wish to have our patience, our ability to deal with burdens, our ability to love, even our ability to run. Whatever it is, it seems to be a human condition: everybody thinks everybody else has things together better than us.

And at the same time, we judge ourselves to be inadequate, inferior, incapable and undeserving.

Moses thought that way too.

So I'm reading in Exodus chapter 3, and it's surprising how quickly this chapter moves. They pretty much made a 2 hour movie out of a few verses in this chapter. Pretty good movie too - by the way.

Here's some back story. The Lord brings Moses out of Egypt, sets him up with a wife, then tells him "Hey, you're going to bring all of the Israelites out of Egypt". Moses knows that the Israelites are like - more than you can count. He knows that the Egyptians rely on that labor to keep their economy going. He knows there's not enough money in the world to buy their freedom, and he's not exactly in good graces with the Egyptians - the first thing they'll want to do when they see him is to kill him. This is not a great setup. It sounds like something akin to "charge of the light brigade", only to Moses it had to sound like "Moses walks into a herd of zombies". He had to know that by himself, he could only hope for being killed less brutally.

The thing is - Moses wasn't by himself. And neither are we. How often do we get a church calling. I suppose it doesn't matter the calling. Maybe it's the nursery leader, maybe it's teaching the 7 year olds, or teenagers. Maybe it's teaching the adults in school, or maybe it's bishop. No madda. Are we up to it? Are we ready?

Of course not. We're not capable of doing any calling well on our own. If we look to our own skill set, we'll fail. And I do believe that it is those who rely on their own skill sets in any calling that are most dangerous. But when we rely on the Lord, things change. Suddenly you take a man with a bounty on his head, who doesn't speak well, a fugitive, and he becomes a prophet. Was he ready? By human standards, of course he wasn't. That didn't matter to the Lord - the Lord made up the difference.

But why? How did our Father know that he could choose Moses? The answer might be in verse 4. "And when the Lord saw that he turned aside to see, God called unto him out of the mist of the bush, and he said, Moses, Moses. And he said, Here am I."

There could be a discussion about what turning aside to see means, but that's out of the scope of this thought, and I don't think I go deep enough to lead that discussion. I do think the key point here though is the last sentence "And he said, Here am I."

I think that's all the Lord needs when he calls us to any position, title or level of authority. He knows what we can do, he knows where we can go with his help. All he needs is willingness from us. "Here am I."

The Lord needs us to be a million dollar bill for him. We're ten cents at the moment. Is that enough? It is under two conditions: 1) we trust the Lord, and 2) we're willing to be used.

"Here am I" is a beautiful phrase. It can apply when you're driving past someone with a flat tire. It can apply when a customer or client needs to be served well. It can apply when life tries to overwhelm us. It can apply when life tries to overwhelm others around us.

May we all surrender our wills to the Lord. I believes it begins with a daily affirmation of "Here am I" to the Lord. And then - he may just return the favor.

#LDS
#BondagePassoverExodus
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#hereamI

light is an interesting subject

So I'm going through an interesting subject - one that I am beginning to understand that I can't begin to understand. The subject is light.

I realized today that light is a way that God refers to himself, and to use a rather vulgar example, somehow it's the best description of his "brand" or his product - or the best description of what it feels like when you're around the Lord.  How it feels when you're living the life the Lord would prescribe.

It makes me recoil a bit to describe the Lord using the word "brand", but if a brand is what you're known by, then that's why I chose that word. It seems to be the word that God uses most to describe himself.

credit: br.depositphotos.com

So the word is light. Jesus used it to describe himself: "I am the light and the life of the world". So if I were really, super duper wise, I'd understand the difference between the two words light and life. Is he referring to something like energy and matter? I don't know and couldn't presume to guess. What I do understand is that I don't even have a kindergarten understanding on the subject, but that I can perhaps get closer if I ask for and receive that gift. What I do understand though, is that Christ referred to himself as two things on this occasion: light and life. That he chose to refer to himself with these two words makes them both pretty good subjects to consider, to study, and to request further understanding about.

So that goes me to today's reading. Alma 36:20. The back story is that Alma had been visited by an angel and corrected from his evil ways, persecuting those who were trying to live well. His pain for doing so left him in a lump on the ground for days. In his words, nothing could be so exquisite and so bitter. He used the language to describe an indescribably painful moment, and with that tool, used the strongest words he could. It was a biblically bad day. 3 of them.

And then he used the same words to describe his joy after he felt the light of forgiveness. "And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold, yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!"

Interesting, isn't it, that Alma could use any of the language's million words (I don't know how many there are) to describe his feelings about the event, and he used the word "light"? What is it about that word? Is it that light is an as-of-yet not understood sector of physics? A physics professor will tell you everything is either matter or waves, but that light is neither-and both. It doesn't fit in either category. How does this fit in with the "light and truth?" I have no answers.

Alma 37:23, and the word is used again "...a stone, which shall shine forth in darkness unto light...". Here again the Lord refers to darkness as the adversary, and all things evil, wrong, angry and sad. And light when things are right.

It is said that people shine when their lives are well lived - that you can see it in their faces. Decide for yourself if that's true, but I often perceive that some people feel lighter, or brighter to me, and it's easy to be around them. Some lift me because I feel who they are, and I yearn to be around them and feel their light.

I don't understand light at all. What I do understand is that any light I have, I don't have. Like a lighthouse, it's not my light. It gets generated somewhere that's not me. The power doesn't belong to me, I just direct it. But I can direct it, and use it, and help others by directing and reflecting whatever it is. I don't have to understand it to use it as I help others navigate their own paths.

May we all seek for that light. May all of our windows be brightly lit by the Lord, and may we brighten our own residences by directing that light toward those around us.

Whose light is that anyway?

So I'm coming at this post from an uncomfortable place today. I don't have the direction of the post figured out yet. I'm trusting that the Lord can make something that I haven't found the pattern to yet.

I've been working on the concept of lighthouses. I know I am to be a lighthouse, and I'm working on learning everything that it means to do so. There is a lot of symbolism, and I feel I can learn more about my role as I learn from the symbolism. For example, what does it mean in the hymn when it says "let the lower lights be burning" - it's a beautiful tune. One that has been in my mind for about a week now when my brain goes to neutral.

For those of us that are male, you'll understand. We like to have our minds in neutral - it's our zero place. It's a good place. For me, that song fills that spot in that place.

Photo by Getty images

And what about the light? The lighthouse doesn't generate it, it just reflects and perhaps directs the light. It's not the lighthouse's light, it's the Lord's, but the lighthouse directs it to save and protect and guide others.

I guess it's also true that the lighthouse may never know or meet those whom it has guided or protected, but it has done its job nonetheless. The lighthouse doesn't come with a lot of fanfare - no marching bands, no fireworks, no applause. It just does its silent job in saving souls.

Today's reading is on light, and I'm working in Alma chapter 32. This follows a well-known discussion on faith. Light comes in slightly after that. verse 35: O then, is not this real? I say unto you, yea, because it is light, and whatsoever is light, is good, ye must know that it is good; and now behold, after ye have tasted this light is your knowledge perfect?

So the answer to the last part of this is that no - you have received light on a subject, and you have knowledge. But that doesn't make you a PhD. It might make you a day 1 kindergarten graduate, but there is lots of room for growth here. It might be true that as soon as you think you've achieved something for yourself or in the Lord's kingdom, you've stopped or severely stinted your future growth.

But when we receive light, "Is this not real?" We know it is when we receive it. It feels, it tastes, and you can see it. You know it. This is how a person can know the difference between good and evil - you come to know the beautiful feel of the Lord's light. Nothing else can approach it.

Many will try to duplicate the light. They will copy the routines, match the language patterns, sing similar songs, use impressive language and shout about holiness, but they lack the Lord's light. Christ is the light and the center of it. Without him, a lighthouse is just a pile of rocks, and its purpose is just as empty.

May we fill ourselves with the Lord's light, and ask him to allow us to reflect that light to others. "As I have loved you, love one another". May we learn what Christ meant when he said "As I have loved you" - that comes first. Then we can lighthouse in His name and with His power.