Fathers

It seems that the word of the week for me lately is Father. First, I found a song by Michael Mclean that I'm working with. It turns out I might have a singing voice. I discovered Mclean's song "I am not his father" - a beautiful and touching song - and it turns out I can sing it. It's a gorgeous song about our Father. I've been mulling how I can use the concepts this song brings out when I speak at my own father's funeral. He's 91 and definitely looking forward to his own passing, and I will celebrate with him when our Father finally calls him home.

And this morning I bump along in Moses Chapter 7, and the verse that stands out to me is 37.  "But behold, their sins shall be upon the heads of their fathers; Satan shall be their father, and misery shall be their doom; and the whole heavens shall weep over them, even all the workmanship of mine hands; wherefore should not the heavens weep, seeing these shall suffer?"

I think this verse applies to those who willfully chose against the truths they knew, and chose to defy the Lord and their own happiness in favor of what there short-term, willful wants were. These individuals not only curse themselves forever, but their children and grandchildren. It happened in the beginning of time, and it happens now. People that get mad because someone was mean to their child, because someone stole the cream, or because a leader proved his imperfectness in public. Maybe it's because someone misused a paragraph. I guess it doesn't matter what the "reason" is - what matters is that we let our own selfishness, spurred by anger, to get in the way of our path toward happiness and eternity.

So, a person drops away from the iron rod - the word of God. He begins to follow what he considers to be his own path - or the path that Satan places him on. He loses his center, his happiness, his direction and his future. Then, his children follow suit.

While it is true that we are all responsible for our own decisions, it's also true that we only get judged for how we play the cards we're dealt. For example, a child in Mozambique, who will never see missionaries or even a member of the lord's church will not be held responsible for not being baptized, obeying all of the commandments, or not receiving temple blessings. They were not available to him. He'll be held responsible for the truths his parents gave him. And on the same note, the parents will be held responsible for the truths they know. Their responsibility is to live them, to expand on them, and to pass them on to their children.

So I believe that when the parents cause a whole community - generations after generations - of their family to flounder, it is the parents who will some day be held responsible. This goes me back to the verse above "But behold, their sins shall be upon the heads of their fathers".

Can you imagine how much dark poison will be heaped upon Cane for what he caused his progeny to suffer? And how much different is it for us as we choose improperly?

I guess the saving grace is Grace. Christ has paid the price. Cane's progeny suffered in life because of Cane's choices - but that's on Cane. If their hearts are pure, as judged by the only perfect judge, they can be saved.

I remember my parents telling me that. My mom especially because I interacted with her the most. She told me that it was her job to teach me, so that she wouldn't be held responsible for holding me back from happiness. She did teach me. My father as well. While certainly not perfect, they did as well as they could do - they played the cards they were dealt as well as they could. I'm grateful for them and I honor them.

If the word of the week is Fathers, I'm hopeful for my dad that his time has come. In any case, may we look at our roles and evaluate if we are ready to stand before the great Judge, and report on our role as fathers and leaders. And may our Father judge us with love.

Wresting and Wrestling

Somedays are like that. Yesterday I comfortably read for a while. This time, I couldn't finish the first paragraph before I felt compelled to stop reading and find my keyboard. I guess the rest of the inspiration will have to happen in front of the screen. 

I'm in Alma Chapter 41 today. Verse 1. "...for behold, some have wrested the scriptures, and have gone far astray because of this thing..."

This goes me down a path that is familiar to me. Those who have decided that they are wise, attempting to put themselves in a place of superiority and "leadership" that is best described to me as "aboveness". 

Yes, I make words up a lot.

 We've all heard the argument: "I've studied fill-in-the-blank-this and fill-in-the-blank-that, so I'm an expert. Now let me inform you of what I know and expect you to accept based on my expert and super-informed analysis. I am so much smarter than you"

OK, those words don't exactly get used in that order, but we've all heard a variety of them being used. It's not a church thing, it's a human being thing. 

But in this case, Alma and the Lord are talking about people who "wrest" with the scriptures. My first inclination is to replace the word "wrest" with the word "wrestle" because I didn't know what wrest means. To me, to wrestle means to do battle with, to fight, to twist as needed until we win. To pin others using our learned techniques, and then claim that God is on our team because we slammed the opponent to the mat. 

Google had a different perspective on the word. It says that the archaic (1830's) meaning is to "distort the meaning or interpretation of (something) to suit one's own interests or views." This sounds like what I described above. To use the scriptures not as a tool for learning, but as a weapon for winning. 

Now let me step out on thin ice for a bit. It seems to me that a person who is truly wanting to be guided and led toward truth will find all sources available. He or she would consult with any wise or spiritual people they find around them. They would refer to the prophets who live today. They would study the subject in all books available, perhaps both the scriptures as well as books written by wise people whose opinion can be trusted. Finally and most importantly, they would consult with the Lord. This is done by asking sincerely and not only listening to the Lord's answer but being prepared to humbly act on the instructions. Moroni 10:3-5 applies here.

Here's the thin ice: if a person resorts to a single scripture or scripture set that supports his pre-determined opinion, and excludes other sources of truth because they don't support his opinion, he is wresting. As the Lord says in Alma, these people go far astray. These people and their opinions should be addressed from a distance. They can be loved as sons and daughters of God, but their forcefulness must be avoided or resisted as the case may require. 

And do you want more thin ice? What about bible basher A who says "well, how about this scripture?" and then bible basher B says "well, check this one out!" and neither really considers either scripture, nor refers to the higher sources that are always available to them. These people may not be truth seekers - they might just be people who like to prove their own intellect and superiority. Their self-assumed "leadership" should be treated with suspicion. If your leader wants you to do whatever because he has a favorite scripture, and on that alone, you might want to consider finding a new leader. 

Find a church leader who encourages personal prayer, study, relying on the spirit, on prophets and apostles. On not just the bible but the Book of Mormon and other scriptures. On gifts and personal revelation. On local leaders who are more interested in guiding you to happiness than on what you contribute to their wallet. When your leader focuses on you more, and what you can do to worship them less, you have a true servant leader. LDS bishops make no nickels off the donations of who they serve - it makes them better leaders in my opinion. 

May we avoid being self deluded. May we avoid pride in any of our perceived gifts. If we have gifts, they are gifts from Another - not something we earned or own. May we seek truth, not battle for the win. May we seek depth, not just knowledge. May we learn God's love, not just memorize his words for use later on. May we wrest the pride out of our hearts, not argue forcefully to reinforce its presence.

Life is happier that way. I like happier. 

Bondage and real freedom

I remember a friend of mine once saying something like this: "For a person who puts so many rules and restrictions on yourself, you seem to be a very happy person". She was referring to my LDS faith and lifestyle. After all, in her view, how could anyone be happy when you can't drink any alcohol?

I could get into the difference between "can't" and "choose not to", but that's not the direction I want to go today.

Today's reading for me is in the Book of Mormon. Mosiah, chapters 22-24. It was good for me to just sit down and read. The book of Mormon always entertains and soothes me. The story that I picked up immediately as I started reading is this: how does a person or group of people escape bondage?

The back story super briefly goes like this: A well intentioned group of people heads to the lands of the bad guys to try to build relations and cause peace. They do OK at first, because this people was good at heart. But then the good guys become bad guys over a generation or two, and things get ugly. Enslavement. Bondage. Burdens. Powerlessness. Risk of extermination. You get the idea. Then a few of them remember their God and escape the bad guy camp. They start a good guy camp.

Things are going swimmingly, then an army of the first set of bad guys shows up and is led by a member of the second set of bad guys. All members of the bad guys have one goal: make the good guys pay. What follows is more ugly. That's the surface story.

But after reading, for me the story is about personal enslavement. Being the owner of your own soul; your own spirit and body. The first batch of good guys used a large dose of alcohol to get their guards drunk and sleeping, then they exited stage left, and began a journey back to safety.

So the irony for me here is this: who in these groups was really in bondage? The good guys that were slaves, or the bad guys who had a personal vice? And isn't it interesting that the Lord used the personal bondage of the bad guys to free his people?

It makes me question what the meaning of bondage really is.

Then we underscore the point. In the next chapters, a new group of good and bad guys happen. The army that was looking for group 1 above finds good guy group 2. They enslave them. Abuse and mistreatment.

If I were in that group, there is a chance I could choose to be bitter. I did whatever I did before I had a choice to be better, then I chose the good guys. I left my home and followed good. So here we are, and now life is worse than ever for me. Why doesn't God take care of his people? All my efforts to do well just caused me to have a life that is worse than ever. Is God really there? Why did he allow this? Why should I keep trying?

But once again, this story is only about mistreatment on the surface. Being in physical bondage was their physical condition, but not the condition of their souls. As the story goes, physical loads were heaped on their backs, and the Lord didn't lighten them or take them away, or even free them for a time. Instead, He made those burdens easier to bear. He needed to teach His people that bondage is about what's inside your body, not what's on it.

And I believe it is the same with us. When we can free ourselves from inner bondage, then we are free. Freedom from such things as alcohol come to mind for most of us, but there is much more we can free ourselves from. Pornography, anger, language, dishonesty, backbiting, selfishness - the list could go on forever.

And the more things I can put behind me to whatever degree, the more free I am.

This goes me back to the point of my friend. Freedom and happiness isn't found in doing everything - that's a pathway to enslavements. Freedom is choosing the Lord, finding your greatness, and making the most of who you can become. The Lord provides that sunshine when we hand him a clean inner soul - one that we now own and have title to: one we can give to him because it's now ours to give.

It's a brighter day than we have seen before. On occasion I get glimpses of that brighter day - and I can testify that it's worth seeking. May we seek it with every corner of our being.

When the Lord waxes poetic

Having just returned from a doterra event in the Dominican republic, my eyes have been opened just a bit more. While here in Utah I am surrounded by great people who are LDS, I found there great people as well - most of whom are not LDS. What they know about the church is very limited, and simply knowing Julie and me probably doubles what they believe they know about the church.

These are beautiful, amazing, powerful people to be certain. Some of their leaders would have them believe that Joseph Smith, our first prophet in modern days, was nothing more than a huckster. A fraud.

But what I see in Joseph's writings leaves me floored. What a powerful writer! A man who, if he wrote these things himself, did so with 3rd grade education. I compare this to myself. I have a master's degree, and have written almost daily for 25 years. At first it was home inspection reports, then a number of articles for KSL.com. I've written five books, and now, this blog. I have also further polished my language skills with hundreds of podcasts and more hundreds of videos. Yet for all the skills I've developed, I couldn't come close to writing with the power that I read today. Either this huckster was super insanely good, or he was writing under the direction of the greatest author. I think it's the latter. I testify that it is.

Whether the government is that of the United States, China, or others, there are those who are good men who wish only to serve and lift the people they govern. But the question is always: how far does the government go to do this? Can you mandate success or happiness? While I was in China, I quickly came to understand that they were doing the best they could - I just believe they started with some false assumptions about what governing means.

While reading the Lord's take on the subject, the first verse that struck me was D&C 134:4. First off, the Lord is treading an extremely fine line in defining what is the role of government vs the rights of the individual. To misuse any word on such a subject could cause extreme harm, resulting in either oppression and lives lost, or anarchy, and lives lost. To say that this subject is a mine field is an understatement of global proportion. I'll leave most of that reading to whoever wants to look it up for themselves.

But the end of the verse I found to be powerful and poetic - and precise. All those things, done in the same sentences. "...that the civil magistrate should restrain crime, but never control conscience; should punish guilt, but never suppress the freedom of the soul".

How the clarity and vision of such a statement lifts my soul! Here is the Lord poetically delineating a subject that has been argued in every country, every year, in every college. Here he uses concise words that could not be found so clearly in any of the greatest of schools of learning.

The chapter goes on to explain clearly some other things, like what an organization can do when one of its members errs. Again, the concise clarity, and the correctness of thought, jumps out of the page at me. I hear the Lord's voice speaking directly to me as I read these verses. Men may argue and debate, they may opine and exercise their grey matter. They may illustrate their ability to speak, to think, and to outwit, but in the end, the most gifted of these men cannot hold a candle to the Lord's voice.

And in the end, hopefully we choose to follow the Lord's voice - even when it may differ with the final thoughts of those who claim to be the smartest, most intelligent, or most wise. May we choose the Lord - even when it's unpopular.

Meaningless miracles

I think I'm like everybody else. Wouldn't it be nice if God could just bail us out

miraculously every time things got hard? If I'm low on money, or if I need a new car, could I just find a gold brick on the front porch that says "congratulations - this is your gift today from God".

Wouldn't it be nice if He could do that sort of thing? Think of how much easier my life would be? Except that he better not give my neighbors more gifts and miracles than me - that would really piss me off. What if I got a new car - a lambo maybe - and what if my neighbor got a house? How would that be fair? Wow, God must really be an unfair being - playing favorites and all.

OK, so I went down a road that's not going to happen, because their are no free gold bricks, free cars or free houses - at least that I'm directly aware of. But it does indicate that our own greed and self centered nature can prevent us from being grateful for the gifts and miracles that are and were sent our way.

We've all seen this scene as well: we pray earnestly for a miracle. It happens, and then we say, "well, I guess aunt Janie healed up after all" or "thank goodness we got that lucky break/service from neighbor Joe. He's a really good guy".

The Nephites were good at it too. 3 Nephi 1 talks about the run-up to the birth of the Savior. It had been predicted that on this day, there would be a day, night & day with no night. In the meantime, there were miracles happening, but not this particular one yet. Other miracles were blown off, because they weren't THE miracle that had been predicted. "4...there began to be greater signs and greater miracles wrought among the people", but hey - if it ain't THE miracle, it doesn't count, right? "6 And they began to rejoice over their brethren, saying: behold the time is past, and the words of Samuel are not fulfilled; therefore, your joy and your faith concerning this thing hath been in vain."

Man, I hate it when others are joyful. Now that really ruins my day.

But spreading it heavy on the believers got old. They're still joyful after I abuse them. How to deal with this if I'm a non believer and they're still happy? Easy - I just set a date to kill them. "9...there was a day set apart by the unbelievers, that all those who believed in those traditions should be put to death except the sign should come to pass."

So, as the story goes, the unbelievers were foiled again. The proper miracle happens. Do they decide then to become saints and followers of all things joyful? You guessed it. "there began to be lyings sent forth among the people by Satan, to harden their hearts."

More miracles happened. Been there, done that. Miracles are routine now, and they get dismissed. The unbelievers  in "3 Nephi 2:2  began to be less and less astonished at a sign or a wonder from heaven...and began to disbelieve all which they had heard and seen".

It seems to me that miracles don't really make much difference in the long run. If I have a poisonous or a poisoned soul, I will choose to stay there. It's the sewage pit that I have selected for myself, and absolutely nobody is going to pull me out of it. This is the state of the Nephites shortly after Christ's birth in Jerusalem.

It nearly finished them. In the greatest moment of time - Christ's life here on earth - the Nephites were almost made extinct before their visit by Christ here, and caused it by their own evil nature. The many miracles exhibited at the time appear to have made no difference at all.

We can look at our own lives through this prism. As inhabitants of our world and our country, does our culture kill freedom? People? Do my personal choices kill my body? Do they kill my spirit? Have I cut off the divine guidance and yes, miracles, that Christ is waiting to give me?

I suspect it's better to live in the warm daily embrace of God than to have a gold

brick delivered daily. Better to live in love among others around us, to build and be built by them, than live in a house that's a few thousand square feet bigger. Better to anticipate death and a reunion with my loved ones, and with my beautiful Redeemer, than to live with fear and loathing about the end of my days on earth. Better to be gently guided by those on the other side who wish to help me, than to feel alone. It's not an empty world, full of hateful, selfish, angry outsiders, unless I chose to become one of them.

I can surround myself with light and become a lighthouse of my own. And in doing so, the light I reflect, and the light reflected back to me will fill my soul.

That's a miracle.

About bondage and miracles

It's an easy thought, and one we have all felt: "I wish the Lord would just make this easier on me - why can't he just cause a miracle to happen so I can be proven right when I'm dealing with non believers?"

"Why can't he just cause a miracle to happen so my aunt can be freed from cancer?"

"Why can't the Lord send an angel, or cause something super awesome to happen so I could convince my teenager to stop doing those things and straighten up his life?"

"Why can't there be a sign for me? I'd love to have a miracle or two in my life!"

"My child is in pain, and so am I. As a part of the things I have done wrong, she has chosen decisions that are destroying her body and spirit. She will die young, her children will be without a mother, she shows problems that could have been so easily prevented. She rejects the Lord, who could have helped her through her problems, or prevented everything. Her pain is mine, and it really is like an eternal flame. Why can't there be a miracle for her?"

"My grandchild is in the hospital. He's so young and doesn't even understand the pain he is feeling. He is too young to know what pain is, and too young to know that we love him, too young to know we are helpless to comfort him. In a time when he should be loved, held and warmed in a blanket, all we can do is touch his feet and talk to him - knowing that he can't understand us. His pain is his alone, and we can't help. Why can't there be a miracle?"

Our wish for a quick fix, a miracle, is human. It would all be so much easier if it was easier. This is not unique to our age, nor is it unique to believers and unbelievers. In Alma chapter 30, Korihor was the guy who thought he was smarter than, and used words to deceive. His thing was that you couldn't know that Christ would come. His words and message was that you can't know about what's going to happen - because it hasn't happened yet. While his words were about appearing smarter and above the believers, I suspect his motive was to gain admiration and followers, then live the lifestyle he wanted. He cared little for the people he was leading away, and was about getting a position and a lifestyle for himself. It appears to me that if he had to lead thousands to an inner death, despair and emptiness, that was fine for him as long as he was their leader.

Korihor was brought before the prophet, and he wanted a sign. Alma 30:48 "...I say that ye do not know that there is a God; and except ye show me a sign, I will not believe"

So Alma, the prophet at the time, was able to call down a sign. Korihor was struck speechless. Then he admits, via writing, that he was wrong. "OK" he says basically "I get it - that was a sign. Now fix me." And Alma responds "I don't think you would change your ways, but we'll leave that up to the Lord." And the Lord in his infinite wisdom - doesn't fix him. It's not about the signs we get or don't get, it's about who we are.

Korihor wasn't about being right or wrong in the matter, he was about using a message to make himself famous - admired among his followers. This whole inability to speak thing would put a huge dent in his ability to do that.

Word spread, and the same people that followed him and his message rejected him. They had heard of the miracle too, but they could still talk, and now K was an embarrassment. They still wanted to believe their beliefs - the ones that K had been teaching them - the ones that had been proven wrong. So now he was inconvenient. He went to the center of what had been his base to try to get enough support to survive, and they killed him by running over him. His miracle, while undeniable to them, wasn't their miracle - they didn't want to acknowledge that miracle because it would have required them to change their beliefs and actions. So - the evidence was discarded and executed. Not by the believers in the church, but by the people who had formerly worshiped him. These same people would have asked for a sign themselves and said they would believe. They got one from their leader. No change. The Lord knew this would happen of course.

And perhaps this is why we don't always get a miracle when we wish for one. Sometimes the hard stuff is there so we can come out on the other side strengthened. Perhaps the Lord needs us to overcome hard stuff, and sometimes what we perceive to be hard so we can know eventually that we can overcome. And sometimes things get hard because our choices cause a hard life. In any case, really choosing the Lord can ease our burden to a level we can manage.

I just started singing in ward choir. This is a huge step for me because I'm very uncomfortable singing even in my basement - let alone in front of people. I can't read music and I try to remember if that note in the line means it's a G or C. It's been too long since 8th grade band class. But the song we sang was "Cast thy burdens upon the Lord, and he will sustain thee." It's a beautiful song and I did manage to learn the base for it. That's a minor miracle by itself. The other miracle though, is that it really works. We really can drop our burdens at his feet. We can drop as much of it as we're willing to let him have. And he will take it.

That's a miracle.

It takes faith. It takes belief, hope and action. It takes faith to let go of our
burdens - often we want to keep that pain because it's our own. It's who we are, and as much as we say we want to lose it, we may just be uncomfortable without it. We have to allow the Savior to be our Savior.

"Behold, I stand at the door and knock"

The greatest job pays nothing at all

We all go to work every day - the routine looks the same. For me back in the day,

I'd take the same commute through the same traffic, sit in the same cubicle with the same coworkers with the same lame jokes. I'd put in my time, then do battle with traffic, and come home exhausted to my children who wanted to play. All too often, I had nothing left for them. What a tragedy that was.

Now, the routine is different. As a home inspector, I follow Siri to wherever she takes me. Different door, same procedure. Different buyers. Same drainage issues. Same roof issues. Same furnace issues. Sometimes I rattle off my paragraphs without even thinking about them. It's like being a dentist in a way - you never get promoted and your job description never changes. The stuff you do on day 1 of your job is much like what you do the day before retirement. When I let it be that routine, it can be very monotonous.

There has to be more to life than this, right? What if life could be fulfilling? What if you could come home energized instead of exhausted?

I'm reading in Alma 30 today. Alma is the prophet and chief judge of his people, the Nephites. He is accused of getting rich because of his position as the earthly leader of the church. His response to the accusation is in Alma 30:33-34. "And notwithstanding the many labors which I have performed in the church, I have never received so much as even one senine (call it a dollar) for my labor... 34 And now, believest thou that we deceive this people, that causes such joy in their hearts?"

I dare say that as he was able to guide people toward happiness, it caused joy in his heart as well. And this is why he did it. The best things in life are not only free, but we don't get paid for them either.

But what if I can't just leave my job and go be a missionary for Christ? Does that mean I'm consigned to this misery we call life's routine? The answer that I see is beautiful: we can all do it, regardless of who we are or what we do. I can live to serve. On my commutes to wherever, I can use the time to fill my soul with stuff that I know will lift me. Then when I'm wherever I go, I can lift others and further fill my soul. In my cubicle, I could grumble about my office and be surly to those who I see, or I could take any available opportunity to lift & serve those who come to me - not just to provide the answers, but lift others.

Had I done that back in the day, I might have had more energy for my daughters. This is something that will haunt me until the day I die.

Nonetheless, here I am, and I find that when I really serve - not just do what I

gotta do for the money - it lifts me. I come home more energized than I started, and it gives meaning to my life.

In Dead Poets Society, Robin Williams mentioned something like "poetry isn't what you do as a living, it's why you live". That was rather deep and it was something I remembered. Service is in the same category. When what we really do has no price, the rewards are priceless. May we seek for that.




#Alma30:34
#Service
#bestjobs

Yeah, that's unpleasant

Have you ever wondered what the end of it all is going to look like? Will it be 10,000 worldwide tornadoes, or a firestorm where 10,000 fiery comets smash the earth at the same time? And how many seconds or minutes before that moment will the righteous be taken up?

I had an old girlfriend that was really into the last days. She mentioned it multiple times per day, and lived with a constant fear. I saw it a bit differently. In any case, if you have a curiosity, there are scriptural accounts of it that are must-read stuff.


The end of days

So we're getting toward the end of the chapter in Doctrine and Covenants 133 verse 62. The Lord has explained that there were times when he took his word away, and now he's talking about what happens to those who repent and sanctify themselves before the Lord. This is all happy stuff.

Being cut off

But verse 63 takes a turn. "And upon them that hearken not to the voice of the Lord ... they shall be cut off from among the people".

So wait - from among the people? Is this members of the church? Is this those that might say they follow the Father? Being cut off in other scriptures sounds like being excommunicated.

Again, the Lord shows the ability to carefully craft words - at least as viewed by me. He doesn't say he cuts that person off, he says that person is cut off. Who does the cutting? The person or people themselves. They cut themselves off as they cut themselves out. This tells me that if you are cut off, don't blame the Lord for being mean - blame yourself for taking yourself out of the shepherd's flock.

It's the saints

Verse 66 backs up the concept that we're talking about the saints here. "In that day when I came unto mine own, no man among you received me." and 67 backs this up again. In these verses, we're talking about the saints. verses 72 and 73 make it sound even worse - for those who once called themselves saints.

Don't not hearken

So, with that terrifying warning, I go back to the original verse. What does it mean to not hearken to the voice of the Lord? Once again, I am sure there are a million layers to that. Not listening to the Lord's leaders would probably be one of them. Choosing to rebel against the Lord after having received whatever level of confirmation, perhaps because the church and its teachings become inconvenient or perhaps politically incorrect, unpopular or not parallel with a person's selected lifestyle. Or - perhaps just not listening because that stuff isn't interesting or perceived to be relevant to a superficial life style.

What does it mean to not listen to the voice of the Lord? One of those layers for me might be this: when provided guidance by the spirit of God, I must listen. This means that if I get a message to get in my car, drive down the street to the north, take two rights and look for the man in the driveway, I must follow that. Is that uncomfortable? Sure is. It really is. The question is, will I follow the Lord or will I follow my fears?

On a side note, I know of a person who desperately loves a girl. He spends a whole lot of his time thinking of her. They are perfect for each other. They are so drawn to each other, and time doesn't change any of that - time has happened.

But based on results, he is more set on his chosen lifestyle than he loves her. This is a lifestyle that has netted him little, and left him an angry and lonely man. Yet he won't abandon that - even for the woman who appears to the one that completes him. I believe that he has chosen his vices over his happiness.

Vices vs happiness?

We all do that, to some extent. We choose our vices, our pain, our loneliness, because it's ours. And we reject the Lord and his love, his happiness, his balance to life, his soul filling lifestyle because that's not how we've defined ourselves. Yes, I do it too. We all do.

If Joseph Smith actually had written this book himself, he certainly had very different writing styles - the Book of Mormon could not have been written more differently than this book. Section 133 is written powerfully and technically. As always, little words are found that make a great difference in what can be drawn, and the layers of meaning - at least the ones I can see - are many. This book reads like a technical manual, but the power of the words is at a level that I believe no human could create. The power of the text fills my soul.

May we all get better at following the Lord. Recognizing and following his voice, and giving up our pain for his love.

Eric Clapton would have wanted to know

I remember Eric Clapton's song about one his children that had died early. It was a heartfelt, soulful song, wondering if he would know his child on the other side. If the little boy would know him, or if they would just be cloud like spirits, floating around, that were not really aware of other cloud spirits around them. His song reaches into the depths of his pain as a father who has lost his 4 year old son. "Will I know your name if I saw you in heaven; would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?"

It was while reading today that I ran into  D&C 130 verse 2: "And that same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory..."

Eric would be relieved. I don't know what kind of life he really lived - a rock star's life is not known to follow the straightest of paths, and I understand that he had problems with an alcohol addiction, but none of us can guess how he will be judged. I suspect he will be judged with his gifts and capacities on one hand, and what he was able to accomplish with those gifts on the other. My suspicion is that the quality or sales volume of his music is much less important than how he used his gifts to improve the lives of others. But - that's the Lord's department.

What we do know is that he will absolutely know his child in heaven. The same love will exist, and the relationship can start with that love, then grow together. Will it be the same? Hopefully as they continue to grow their relationship, it won't be the same. It will be better. If he's done it right, as judged by the Lord and by himself, it will be coupled with a level of eternal glory.

The end of it

So I'm not feeling like writing, and nothing reached out and grabbed me today, but I feel like I need to write. So here I am, obeying.

The reading today is the JS translation of Matthew 1. This is end of days stuff - it reminds me of someone I knew back in high school. She was living in fear of the end, and I always found that a bit odd. This chapter lays out a lot of nasty stuff, but the prize that comes at the end sounds like it's worth it. It kinda makes me think that some of us would rather focus on the ugly wrapping paper, while choosing to place much less focus on the awesome present inside the box.

In verses 25 through 27, the Lord tells us how it's going to play out. There will be false Christs everywhere - I ran into a few of them while in Guatemala and El Salvador on my mission. Some guy who posted an 8.5 x 11 on the power poles in the street, and said he'd be in a soccer stadium on some future date. Yeah, that's not how Christ is going to do it.

25: Wherefore, if they shall say unto you: behold he is in the desert; go not forth; Behold he is in the secret chambers; believe it not. 26 For as the light of the morning cometh out of the east, and shineth even unto the west, and covereth the whole earth, so shall also the coming of the Son of Man be.

So when Christ comes as a second coming, it looks like it will be like the sunrise. Nobody can fake a sunrise. No dude with a strobe light can match a sunrise. It will be clear.

Now of course, I'm sure that Christ visits people with whatever regularity he chooses. Does he visit his prophets and apostles? I don't know, but if I were guessing I'd say yes. Does he visit others? I don't know, but I'm not going to start writing rules for the Lord to obey. If he decides to visit aunt May, then he can do that regardless of what my opinion is on the subject. For me though, if he visits
Aunt May, then his visit is for Aunt May. If he wants to guide the church, he goes to his assigned prophet. If he wants to guide Aunt May, he goes to Aunt May.

If Aunt May tells me that the Lord in the local soccer stadium next week, pretty good chance I'll be busy that day.

So - I don't know who this post is for, but apparently it needed to be written on someone's behalf. Like I say, usually I write about something that inspires me while I'm reading scriptures. Today, it was basically that I feel inspired to write after reading the scriptures - but not specifically about one particular verse.

If it's you that I wrote this for - then take it as a gift. There are others the Lord has for you when you've consumed what you can from this one.

Perspective

So I picked up my scriptures today, a bit saddened that I'm done with what I consider to be my scriptural passion - the gifts and mysteries of God. I picked another subject, but then I couldn't do it. Back to just book of Mormon reading for me - at least for now. I love the tone, the simplicity, and the spiritual power of the words.

So it turns out that the man Mormon, for whom the Book of Mormon is named after, also had a father named Mormon. He was Mormon jr - not something I knew before. A meaningless fact for sure, but hey - it's new to me.

As I'm reading this, I'm thinking "who in the pre-existence (spiritual life before this mortal life) would have wanted or volunteered to be Mormon? It had to be someone very strong spiritually, but such a person might want instead to be born in more spiritual, more gifted times, when the spirit of the Lord is spread out among the people, and he simply has to guide them forward? Who would volunteer to be the leader of a people who would not be lead forward? His role for the vast majority of his life was to sit atop the crowd and watch them die. Like a birds eye view of a train wreck. Only this train wreck was the destruction of an entire race of people.

In what might be one of the biggest understatements in the history of the world, Mormon states "And I, being fifteen years of age and somewhat of a sober mind..." " ...notwithstanding I being young, was large in stature, therefore the people of Nephi appointed me that I should be their leader, or the leader of their armies". (Mormon 1:16 and Mormon 2:1)

Yeah. It was because he was a big guy. I don't think so. It was because they knew that they had always done well when they had a man of God as their leader. The irony and their downfall was that this time, they put the man in the leadership slot, but they didn't follow his advice. In a way, it's a false religion to say "yeah - we're the good guys - just look at that thing over there. That proves we're God's team".

It's not the thing over there. It's us. It's our lives and who we are. When asked about God in our life and the power of our own personal structure, the person who answers must not point to anywhere but his own soul as proof of being a follower. No statue, no exterior person, no idol, no display, no lumping yourself in with others in a group under any name will be adequate to the Lord or to your own soul. I am who I am because of who I am. Not because I have an idol in my home, or because I use concocted words and phrases that my friends use. Those also may be idols. It may be true that anything that diverts me away from a focus on the strength of my soul and my relationship with my Savior is an idol. As such, any time spent on that idol will not help me at best, and at worst it will cancer my soul.

So as viewed from this corner today, Mormon became somewhat of an idol to the people he led. This is not his fault - he was a true prophet of God. It was the fault of the people he wanted to lead. I thought Mormon 1:16 was powerful "And I did endeavor to preach unto this people, but my mouth was shut, and I was forbidden that I should preach unto them". How sad and enlightening is it to know that people get to a point where the Lord knows that they're better off when they are not preached to, or given gifts or mysteries, because he knows that the gift will be ignored, mistreated, misused or abused. The Lord knows such a gift given would then cause further condemnation on judgment day.

So he allows Mormon to sit on his horse as a leader, and give rousing speeches, and point a direction, but the Lord and Mormon know it's all in vain. They will die because they prefer death to living in the sunshine of a spiritual life. Those people certainly don't exist today, right?

And in Mormon 2:12, Mormon, ever the hopeful leader, sees his people lamenting. With an eye that must have reflected God's vision, he was thrilled about it. He thought something like this: "Finally my people might be turning the corner, lamenting their lives, and ready to follow the Lord once again". He knew the Lord would have been merciful and long suffering. 13 "But behold this my joy was vain, for their sorrowing was not unto repentance...but it was rather the sorrow of the damned, because the Lord would not always suffer them to take happiness in sin"

The Lord's eyes are not our own. Sometimes he gains hope when we have gone down the wrong path and find ourselves in a mud pit. He hopes that we'll decide the mud pit isn't entertaining, and change our path. How terribly disappointing must it be to the Lord when we basically tell him "look, I hate this pit that my life is in, but it's still my choice - and I refuse to allow you to bring light and joy into my life"

Regardless of how well we might think we're doing in our life, the occasional mud pit may be an opportunity to look to God and live. May we do so.